Production Hell: A Game For Long-Suffering Artemis Fowl Fans

Many moons ago, Artemis Fowl Confidential released their awesome I Survived the Wait t-shirts (which I love and own) and the sentiment was so funny and painfully true that I couldn't let it go. So I didn't. Eventually, it turned into a full-blown game idea and creating this ridiculous, magnificent, and totally obsessive board game is honestly one of the funnest and weirdest experiences of my life to date.

The goal of the game is to survive the wait until the premiere date without dying of old age or being driven insane.


It is, in my humble opinion, a fun way to relive the joys and frustrations that have been the last 18 years of the Artemis Fowl film's adventure in and out of Production Hell.

This is a free downloadable PDF (links at the bottom of the post). Take a peak!

The board is best printed on card stock to give it some heft. It can easily be glued down onto cardboard, poster board, or even a less deserving game's board. Some assembly is required; the board comes in four large pieces, with three smaller attachments (as seen below).

I hope you all have as much fun playing it as I did in making it!
My only request is that you spread it around for more of the Fowl community to enjoy.
Please share any photos on social media with me and/or use #AFProductionHell

Hopefully it amuses the rest of the Fowldom as much as it has amused me. Have fun!

Production Hell: Game Board
Production Hell: Instructions & Score Cards

The Skeptic's Guide to Enjoying the Artemis Fowl Movie Anyway

Disney's teaser poster for Artemis Fowl, release date August 19, 2019.

Hello, there! I would be the skeptic. That's me. Hi.

Like many people, I've been waiting almost two decades for this film, and most of that time was spent believing that it would never actually happen. But it is. Finally. And I've been skeptical since they published that bombshell of a casting announcement.

But something magical happened when I watched the teaser trailer and saw that movie poster. I wanted to love it. And even if in the end I don't love it, I at least want to enjoy the ride -the wait, the flurry of excitement over new tidbits, the anticipation of more trailers, the undeniable euphoria of finally getting an Artemis Fowl movie.

Right now isn't the time to be a sourpuss. Right now, it's time to believe. So here's a 8-step guide on how we can deal with our skepticism and enjoy the upcoming Artemis Fowl film in all its glory anyway.

Step 1: Be Disappointed -Then Move On

Branagh says Artemis won't be the villain, instead it's more of a hero origin story. Be disappointed. It's okay. I'm sure there isn't a Fowl fan out there who isn't disappointed in this, or some other aspect of the film, so let the disappointment settle in. Embrace it. And then move on. Either accept the movie for what it's going to be, rather than what you wish it would have been, or admit that you don't want it and walk away.

Step 2: Recognize That It Won't Be The Book

Very, very few books have ever translated their near-entirety to film adaptations, and Artemis Fowl will not be one of them; not because the filmmakers decided they could do better, but because a lot of the book's ideas won't transition well to film. These are two vastly different mediums with different audience expectations. So instead of moping about what the film won't be, get excited about how the film might translate the core elements that made the book awesome into a new adventure.

Step 3: Anticipate A Different Ending

Now, this is just my supposition; there's no evidence as yet that the ending will actually vary much from the book, BUT if Artemis is not going to be the outright villain of the piece, it makes sense another will have to emerge. And IF this is meant to be an origin story, there is the possibility that the film's story might not end with Artemis' kidnapping success, but instead with a situation that requires Artemis to somehow get involved with another conflict, emerging a more heroic figure.

Step 4: Keep An Open Mind

Okay, lots of people are saying this. It's easier said than done, I know, but remember that this movie is going to be a different creature entirely, and comparing it word-for-word to our beloved book is akin to apples and oranges. Plus, just remember that Eoin himself is so excited about many of the changes he's said (according to Branagh): "God I wish I'd thought of that...I'll put it into the book. I'll certainly put it in the reissue."

Step 5:  Treat It As A Stand-Alone Story, Rather Than A Potential Franchise

While it's not beyond the realm of possibility that, if successful, this could turn into Disney's next franchise, they're not going to plan on it from the get-go and leave this film open-ended. This is going to be a self-contained, complete story, which probably means it will borrow a lot of elements from later books, maybe specifically concerning Artemis' character arc, in order to deliver that 'emotional satisfaction and delivery' Branagh assures us. It will improve the quality if we judge the film on its own merit, rather than against the lost potential for as-yet non-existent sequels.

Step 6: Confront Your Skepticism

You have two choices.
Decide if you want to be a skeptic, nitpicking details for a thing we have waited nearly two decades for, because after all the waiting, we deserve perfection, right!?
Or decide if you want to enjoy every thrilling moment and development of this Impossibility. Because the Artemis Fowl film was an impossibility. It was an 'almost', a 'could have been', an 'if only'. And now it's an 'almost here', a 'will be' -but our if we keep holding onto our skepticism, it will continue to remain an 'if only.'
Most movies don't rise like a phoenix out of the ashes of 17 years in Prodcution Hell, but ours did.
Our Artemis Fowl film has already defied the odds once. Are we going to tame our skepticism to see if it will do it again?

Step 7: Watch this trailer breakdown from Artemis Fowl Confidential, because it will remind you WE'RE FINALLY GETTING A MOVIE, D'ARVIT!!!

Good or bad, love it or hate it, we can't escape the fact that we're getting a movie, an actual, real-life, live-action, BIG BUDGET movie, with all the bells and whistles, and a crew that -especially from this interview (and also this one) with Kenneth Branagh- obviously loves and respects the books and Eoin Colfer for writing them. Just like us. ^_^

8. Get Excited

Whether in the end we love the movie, tolerate it, shrug it off, or despise it, we're still getting an Artemis Fowl movie -and this new incarnation is bound to introduce the series to new generations, young and old. The Artemis Fowl fandom is about to get much, much bigger. And that is a very good thing.

Right now, I can mention Artemis Fowl on a whim and only a handful of people ever know what I'm talking about. But just imagine this time next year: Artemis Fowl could be a household name.

Want to reread the series before the film?

Join my Artemis Fowl Read Along!

Of Respect and Rescues | Arctic Incident Ch 11-14 | #AFReadAlong

Join in the Artemis Fowl Read Along!

Leave your name and one or more of your social media sites on this spreadsheet to let everyone know you're participating!

WE HAVE A TEASER TRAILER!!!!

Chapters 11-14 Commentary:

"Artemis applied pressure to the pack. His fingers were quickly submerged in a pool of blood. Suddenly the desire to pass a smart remark completely deserted." Wake up call for Arty! I love this moment for several reasons. 1) It is one of the few times Artemis is ever at a loss for words; 2) Artemis is once again way, way out of his comfort zone; 3) This is another moment when he is thrust into someone else's shoes. While not exactly their 'comfort zone', it's obvious that Holly, Root, and even Butler have had frequent experience in these kinds of situations. Which means Artemis is getting a taste for what their skills are -despite the lack of a genius IQ- and he might even be gaining some, dare we say, respect for his companions?

"Holly grinned. And for a second her expression reminded the manservant of Artemis Fowl." Despite their differences and, at this point, dislike for one another, it's fun to see how many similarities Holly and Artemis actually share.

We need to take a moment to truly appreciate our favorite kleptomaniac dwarf. Because what does he do to 'lie low' and enjoy his newfound freedom? He takes up a pastime. Just a little hobby. Of stealing Oscar statues. I adore the Grouch.

Root knew he was being goaded, but he blew his top anyway. Which, let's face it, Fowl fans, is one of the reasons we love Julius Root.

If ever you are asked who is the smarter fairy, Opal Koboi or Foaly the Centaur -just remember that when Opal had every advantage, every technological marvel at her fingertips you can imagine, and Haven City and the LEP at her mercy -Foaly beat her with nothing more than a human's laptop computer.

Artemis smiled, fascinated. Commander Root was smarter than he looked. Just another moment of Artemis showing -maybe not respect quite yet- but a little admiration for another person. Of course, then his arrogant face has to add: Then again, it would be impossible not to be.

Artemis isn't the only one learning some unexpected respect. Over in the siege of Police Plaza, Captain Trouble Kelp is admiring the new and improved Briar Cudgeon, spine transplant and all. Or, you could say, hook, line, and sinker.

I will also point out that this is the first and only time that our favorite characters get to plot and work as a team: Artemis, Butler, Mulch, Holly, and Root.

Artemis did not like this sudden turn of events. Running, jumping, injury, okay. But sewage? Now we know where Arty's true priorities lie.

"Don't think I'm getting chummy, or anything. It's just when I give my word, I stick to it." I love this little exchange between Holly and Artemis, because it really illustrates the differences between them. Holly gives Arty a little encouragement, something she'd say to anyone, but Artemis isn't used to working as a team or having people encourage him -and certainly not words of encouragement from someone he's kidnapped in the not-so-distant past.
Artemis decided not to respond. He'd already been punched once today.

Butler's eyes narrowed. "Unless what?"
Artemis smiled his dangerous smile. "Unless I have an idea."

There was more to this heroism thing than rushing in blindly. I love that Artemis isn't quite so clever with heroic plans as he is with devious schemes, because it's like a muscle he hasn't used and a skill he has yet to master.

"...And nobody can get in here to stop me."
Of course, you should never say something like that, especially when you're an arch villain. It's just asking for trouble.
There are some moments in fiction, some lines, some quips, that just hit you and stick with you. This is one of them. The first time I read it, I laughed out loud for way too long, but the way Eoin uses his narrator to poke fun at tropes and cliches is one of my favorite things about his writing, and he is in good form in The Arctic Incident.

And while this door was tested for plasma dispersion and moderate physical resistance, it was certainly not Butler-proof. It crumpled like tinfoil. I DECLARE A MOTION TO MAKE 'BUTLER-PROOF' AN OFFICIAL TERM.

Artemis' phone rang.
This. THIS is the perfect way to finish off the conflict. It's a simple, unexpected, anticlimactic event that somehow manages to be a comical, ultimate climax. Bravo, Eoin; bravo.

Had he done the right thing? What if the hydrosion shell had penetrated? How could he ever face his mother again? I love Artemis riddled with self-doubt. On the one hand, it could be said I have an unhealthy love of character torture; on the other, this is proof right here that -despite evidence to the contrary- Artemis is very, very human: warm-blooded, heart of flesh, just as capable of heartbreak and love as the rest of us.

"To remind you that deep beneath the layers of of deviousness, you have a spark of decency. Perhaps you could blow on the spark occasionally."
The epilogues are gold at the end of this rainbow. From Artemis' rambling apology/admiration for Holly, to Holly's gift of shooting a gold coin in its exact center, to the final paragraphs which I have to quote in full because I love them so blasted much:

Artemis thought of his father, lying in a Helsinki hospital bed, of Captain Holly Short, risking her life to help him, and, of course, Butler, without whom he would have never made it out of Koboi Laboratories. He looked up, and found Dr. Po smiling at him."Well, young man, have you found anyone worthy of your respect?"Artemis smiled back. "Yes," he said. "I believe I have."

And that finishes off The Arctic Incident! Thanks so much for joining me, but don't go anywhere. December we start The Eternity Code and, while I know the series is 8 book longs, I can't help but think of these first three as the holy trinity, the standard by which all other Fowl books must be measured. On December 6th, we'll be discussing Chapters 1-3, so keep on eye on my blog and on my Facebook page.

#FowlDay Challenges of the week:

• Share your favorite element of The Arctic Incident. There's a lot to love in this book, but what would you consider the absolute best thing about it? Personally, I consider that to be Artemis' development, specifically his learning to respect others even if their IQ is substantially lower than his.
• WATCH THE TRAILER!!! I mean, like me, you've probably already watching it a million times, but watch it again, and share your thoughts!

Of Puns and Hubris | Arctic Incident Ch 8-10 | #AFReadAlong

I hope everyone had a marvelous Thanksgiving! (and if you weren't celebrating, then I hope you had a marvelous Thursday.)

Now that the B'wa Kell uprising has been quelled a bit, let's talk The Arctic Incident, chapters 8-10. I may have mentioned that these chapters are some of my favorite bits of this book, but really, there some of my favorite moments in the entire series. I'm as a excited (and nervous!) about the movie as the next Fowl fun, but one reigning reason I want it to be good and successful is to get The Arctic Incident on screen.

Th B'wa Kell uprising? Foaly trapped in the Operations Booth by his own tech and his own hubris? Artemis and Holly catching the train and forced to rely on each other in the Arctic wasteland? This is the film I'd love to see, so I'm crossing my fingers hard that Disney doesn't screw up the chance at a film franchise. Please be kind to Artemis!

Chapters 8-10 Commentary:

Eoin Colfer, with chapter 8 right here, began my love affair with brilliantly punny chapter titles. For years, if I wrote a story, it's title or chapters absolutely had to be some kind of pun, and it's all because of Mr. Eoin Colfer. To Russia with Gloves? No Safe Haven? These simply couldn't be better. Come to think of it, since these chapter titles struck my funny bone at such an impressionable age, it's likely that Eoin Colfer is indirectly responsible for a good chunk of my sense of humor -namely corny jokes. Oh, corny jokes, how I love thee! So while my family may roll their eyes at my jokes, and my friends may groan, nothing makes me happier than the absolutely corniest of corny jokes and that is a big part of who I am.
They say the books you read growing up help you form your identity, so I guess that means I have Eoin Colfer to thank for my awesome sense of humor. So thanks, Eoin. ^_^

"So what happened to you?" -I love this moment. Holly, on the way to rescue the head of a criminal empire and the father of the boy who kidnapped her, as a legitimate reason to be concerned Artemis Fowl I will be an even worse enemy than his son. Artemis, however, assured Holly that the People have nothing to fear from his father, who is a noble man, and would never dream of harming another creature. Holly's bluntness has got to hit Artemis hard; while he's already hinted about his 'misgivings over that particular venture', I wonder if Dr. Po's voice isn't bouncing around his brain in this moment: "You are never going to find peace if you continue to run from your problems." And Artemis here says what I'm not sure he's had the guts to outright say before. "I...I made a mistake."
Have I mentioned how much I freaking love this book?!

Speaking of Dr. Po...as Artemis and Holly dash for the Mayak Chemical Train with Butler and Root's lives in their hands, I imagine Artemis is getting a cold and heavy dose of respect for what Butler and Holly do on a regular basis when he's thrown into their shoes.

"These were not gripping fingers. ... Which, fortunately, was all part of the plan." I do love, that for Artemis, even weaknesses are valuable assets to be exploited. It's a good trait -when not used for evil, obviously- and one of the reasons I think Artemis is so clever.

This whole train sequence is one of my favorites for several reasons. Artemis is thrown so far out of his comfort zone it's laughable; amusing for those of us who want to see Artemis dropped down a few pegs and empowering to those of us who want to see Artemis develop in a positive way, and a double bonus for those of us who want both. ^_^ 
It's also the first time Artemis and Holly are forced to not only work together, but to rely on and trust one another, and it's interesting to note (I think) that there's no time for either to second guess or really doubt the other, since the immediate safety of their most important friends always no time for bickering and argument. True to Argon's prologue commentary "...it was probably the best thing that could have happened to [Artemis]."

Let's switch keys here, because I'm a little miffed at the US publishers right now. I have mostly listened to the Artemis Fowl books, as narrated by Nathaniel Parker, and have only just discovered there are some glaring and some rather inconsequential (read as: pointless) differences between my copies and the UK versions. Differences of terminology, sure, but also some rearranging of paragraphs -which I get as an editing thing, but seems pointless to change from one version to another- but my US version completely removed the background on centaurs being an endangered race and on the Centaurian language. All of it, the joke about centaurs tramping their enemies underfoot, about how centaurs are naturally paranoid due to their endangered existence. I'm just a bit miffed about it, because while it might be inconsequential to the immediate story -well, except that whole paranoia thing- it's a valuable piece of worldbuilding.
Okay. Rant over.

Which brings us to: the irony of Foaly's imprisonment. Honestly, half this plot is built on irony, and I absolutely love it. Not only do Artemis the kidnapper and Holly the kidnappee have to work together to foil a kidnapping, but Foaly is imprisoned due to his two great weaknesses: his paranoia and his hubris. To make it worse, his fall comes through his own technology. 
But it's not all bad; there's one silver lining, at least: "Even with the odds so hugely against him, he hadn't lost his ability to be the most annoying creature under the world when he wanted to be."
Of course, I don't know how that will help Foaly's current situation....

I will leave you here, with Foaly trapped, Police Plaza under attack, and Artemis, Holly, Root, and Butler on their way to rescue the elements, after quick pit stop to grab a certain reprobate dwarf...

Next week we'll cover the last of The Arctic Incident, chapters 11-epilogue. I'll see you here!

Of Mud Men and Bargains | Arctic Incident Ch 4-7 | #AFReadAlong

Welcome back! Today we're discussing chapters 4-7 of Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident.

Strap in. ^_^

Summary:

Artemis Fowl awakes in a rather traditional-looking interrogation room in the Lower Elements, but questioning doesn't go quite as he expects, when Foaly the centaur appears with a stranger plunger device that knocks him back into unconsciousness. While Foaly uses his amazing! and astounding! tech to decipher whether Artemis has ever seen goblins or soft-nose lasers, Captain Holly Short and Commander Root are not terribly impressed with his accomplishments, prodding him on how that pixie Koboi -the head of Koboi Laboratories and target of B'wa Kell vengeance- is 'one pretty sharp female.' Foaly -as all brilliant egotistical inventors- does not take kindly to comparison with his competition and insists, not for the first time, that letting any one company have all the LEP's business isn't a good idea; "...if those labs go under, all we'd have are the DNA cannons in Police Plaza and a few cases of electric stun guns." Besides, Opal Koboi is not stable. 

Artemis is cleared of involvement with the B'wa Kell but, despite Holly's insistence that the boy could become an even bigger problem than the goblins and their building war against the LEP, Root knows that the humans' skills would be invaluable in tracking down the mysterious battery-seller. Artemis, of course, won't do nothing for nothing, and he strikes a deal with the fairies to help them if they will assist him in attempting to rescue his father.

Meanwhile, we're taken into the heart of Koboi Laboratories and their special weapons permits and DNA cannons, all meant to protect them from the B'wa Kell and to protect by extension the LEP's own weapons and security, all chipped with Koboi technology. Of course, this is when we learn that Opal Koboi really isn't stable. She is, in fact, one of the masterminds behind the B'wa Kell uprising, all in an effort to obtain the power of the monarchs, which hasn't been held by any fairy in centuries. Her partner-in-crime is none other than the demoted and humiliated Briar Cudgeon, former erstwhile friend of Julius Root, a backstabber with a vendetta, and he's a little touchy on the subject of his deformed face. Together, Koboi and Cudgeon plot how best to foil the LEP's search for the B'wa Kell mastermind, and how best to use their human slave, Luc Carrere...

Holly Short is the lucky fairy assigned to escort the humans to Paris, to track down a specific human identified from one of their goblin prisoners (thanks to Foaly's amazing! and astounding! tech). The unlikely trio have something close to civil conversation as Artemis gathers information on Russia before Holly pilots them through the chutes, scaring them just enough to make her smile. In Paris, their on their own; magma flares are acting up and disrupting fairy communications. Butler doesn't need much help, though; it doesn't take him long to find Luc Carrere and even less time to confront him. Unfortunately, the greedy French P.I. has already been given instructions; Cudgeon has mesmerized Carrere to expect someone asking after the batteries and when they arrive to 'take their picture' -with the barrel of a softnose laser. Butler uses the only tool on hand -the Safteynet, a prototype of Foaly's to suppress laser fire but not quite big enough to protect Butler's frame, let alone another human. Luckily, Butler is brains as well as brawn; he uses the Safteynet to suppress the laser itself, saving both their lives. And in the aftermath, Butler uses a old trick to determine just how much Carrere knows about the People and the answer: nothing.

Underground again, Root is relieved the People are safe from the human threat. Artemis isn't convinced; everything went just a little too smoothly. But he's done his part, and Foaly has managed to trace the untraceable email from Russia. They have a name: Mikhael Vassikin. Vassikin works for a syndicate of the Mafiya who make most of their money kidnapping European businessman -none of whom ever survive.

While Artemis plots in earnest, Cudgeon and Koboi decide to send a welcoming party of their own to Russia. A B'wa Kell hit squad, with Julius Root's name at the top of their docket.

And despite all the tension of upcoming rescues, tangling with Mafiya, and the B'wa Kell uprising, Captain Holly Short still manages to find joy in the simple things in life: like managing to frighten a seven-foot tall Mud Man with a tiny spray can of anti-radiation foam and its unique bouquet of 'hermit dwarf'.

Commentary:

"Okay, Mud Boy," said the figure. "Just relax and this might not hurt too much." -Can we appreciate Foaly's terrible bedside manner, please? There are many things I love about this centaur, and all his lip is definitely the biggest, especially when it winds him in trouble.

Let the record show the momentous occasion that takes place in this chapter: the first official meeting of Artemis Fowl and Foaly the Centaur, two genii a little too smart for their own good.

Personally, I love that Briar Cudgeon returns in this sequel as the villain. It's such a classic move, disgruntled-turned-villainous. Sometimes though, I wonder if things would have gone differently for Opal down the road, if Cudgeon hadn't instigated her turn to actual villainy?

Holly grinned tightly. "There's so much irony here I could write a poem. The kidnapper asking for help with a kidnapping." And asking his former kidnappee, no less! Have you no shame, Artemis?

Speaking of shame... I apparently can't leave Artemis and his development alone. He tells Holly about the kidnapping "Sometimes plans don't translate smoothly from paper to real life." while cleaning non-existent dirt from under his perfectly manicured nails, with previous mentions about 'harboring some doubts' about that specific venture and 'can't we wipe the slate clean?' Artemis obviously wants, if not forgiveness, than at least to put his past behind them all, but this is terribly unfair since he won't recognize his own faults about kidnapping Holly in the first place. Which is even more interesting when you link it back to Dr. Po's diagnosis, that Artemis doesn't respect anyone else enough to treat them as equals and he won't find peace if he keeps running away from his problems.
I love characters. ^_^

"No," she growled, "we wouldn't want him getting a fright." Every little defiance on Holly's part is such sweet revenge -and well deserved too. Better watch your back, Arty; Holly's not one to mess with.

And as we opened with Foaly, it seems only right we close with him, as well.
...decided to get right to the point.
"Very well, Mud Man. Keep your hair on."
Well, almost directly to the point.

The humor in these books is always so on point, guys. I love them so much.

#FowlDay Challenges

You're mission, should you choose to accept it, is to join in the discussion or all around good time fan party that is the Artemis Fowl Read Along by completing one or more of these tasks:

• Share some of your own commentary of Chapters 4-7 with me!
• Share your favorite quote from this week's reading.
• Compile an Artemis Fowl music playlist (this will be a continual challenge throughout the Read Along, but keep me updated on song choices!)

Join in next week as we tackle chapter 8-10 -and some of my favorite scenes of The Arctic Incident.

#AFReadAlong | Artemis Fowl

Let's get this party started! Welcome to the beginning of the Artemis Fowl Read Along. This month, we're reading book 1. Check out the reading schedule below:

ARTEMIS FOWL | October 1 - October 31

• 10/1 - 10/6: Prologue-Chapter 3
• 10/7 - 10/13: Chapter 4-5
• 10/14 - 10/20: Chapter 6-7
• 10/21 - 10/27: Chapter 8-Epilogue
• 10/28 - 10/31: Post review, recap, and/or reaction; recreate a favorite moment for #FowlDay in any artistic medium!

I want to see your reading updates! Use the hashtag #AFReadAlong (no spoilers, please). What kind of updates, you ask? Here's some ideas.

Photos!

Post pics of the book, where you are in the book, you reading the book, you hiding behind the book, or the book with your pet (those are always popular).

Favorite quotes!

These I definitely want to see. If I know you're favorite quotes, I'll have a better idea of what to use for some handmade giveaway items. ;)

Reactions or reread revelations!

Having feels or awesome observation about the book? TELL ME ABOUT IT.

HEAD CANONS!
I love canons -and probably accept far, far too many of them. So if you have thoughts about what the characters do in their off-hours or what made them the way they are, I want to know!

Don't forget to check back here or on my social medias for #FowlDay on Thursday. I've got some fun activities lined up, a special blog post about my Favorite Child Prodigies, and there will be a live chat happening on Twitter and Facebook at 12pm!

Want to join the #AFReadAlong?
SIGN UP HERE

#FowlDay Icebreakers | #AFReadAlong

Who's excited to kick off the Artemis Fowl Read Along next week? I mean, besides me.

Today's #FowlDay activities will be Icebreakers, something to get us a little better acquainted with each other and to our individual relationships with Artemis Fowl.

Share your responses with the hashtag #FowlDay on your blog or choice of social media!
Don't miss these live events coming up today:

Activity #1: Icebreaker Survey

1) What country are you from?
2) How many times have you read the Artemis Fowl series?
2b) If you've read the series before, what's your favorite book? (If you haven't, this will be in the closing survey too!)
Not 2b) What's your current favorite book (besides Artemis Fowl)?
4) Will you see the Artemis Fowl film opening weekend, weeks later, or wait for the DVD?
5) Share a random fun fact about yourself!

Activity #2: Reading in the Lap of Luxury

Artemis Fowl II is a rich kid. We're talking millions. Imagine those millions are yours and deck out your dream reading spot in the lap of ultimate luxury. I want details, paint colors, and -if possible- ALL OF THE PICTURES of the coziest reading spot of your dreams.

The Artemis Fowl Read Along officially begins Oct 1 with the first Artemis Fowl book.

SIGN UP HERE

I can't wait to get things started!

The Artemis Fowl Series Read Along | #AFReadAlong

Image credit: Unknown, formerly available on the Artemis Fowl website. Via Artemis Fowl Confidential

Starting in October, I will be hosting an Artemis Fowl read along for the entire series (!!!) to celebrate the release of the live-action film August 19, 2019 -which we've only been waiting 18 years to see.

Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl is one of my all-time favorite book series; I lived off the audio versions of the first four books through my teens, patiently waiting and adding each new book to the lineup as it came. I became so enamored with them I insisted on reading them to my dad, imitating as best I could Nathaniel Parker's brilliant voice work for the characters. So what better way to celebrate the near-miraculous upcoming film than to share my love of the series with equally devoted fans and the opportunity to introduce it to some new readers? (There is no better way; in case you were curious.)

I'm very excited to share one of my favorite series with you all -and when I say share, I mean in a very interactive format because I need someplace to let my fangirl run rampant!

All through the read along, Thursdays shall be known across my social medias as #FowlDay. I will have an activity, a game, a random survey, a giveaway*, or anything else I can think of planned to make it the best day of your week for the next eight months.

The read along will span October 2018-May 2019. Each month will be dedicated to one book, and here's that schedule:

• ARTEMIS FOWL | October 1 - October 31
• ARTEMIS FOWL: THE ARCTIC INCIDENT | November 1 - November 30
• ARTEMIS FOWL: THE ETERNITY CODE | December 1 - December 31
• ARTEMIS FOWL: THE OPAL DECEPTION | January 1 - January 31
• ARTEMIS FOWL: THE LOST COLONY | February 1 - February 28
• ARTEMIS FOWL: THE TIME PARADOX | March 1 - March 31
• ARTEMIS FOWL: THE ATLANTIS COMPLEX | April 1 - April 30
• ARTEMIS FOWL: THE LAST GUARDIAN | May 1 - May 31

NOTE: The Artemis Fowl Files will not officially be part of this read along, though if you want to add it to your reading, it was published between The Eternity Code and The Opal Deception, so that might be a good time to read it.

• Sign up here with links to your social media.
• Readers will have one month to read each book.
• At the end of each month readers are encouraged to post a review of the book, a recap, or reaction post on a personal blog, social media, or review site.
• Readers are encouraged to share updates (NON-SPOILERY) on social media using the hashtag #AFReadAlong.
• Every week I will present an interactive activity, game, or challenge to be shared on #FowlDay (Thursdays) across social media.

ANYONE, that's who! Whether you're reading the series for the first time or re-reading for the hundredth; whether you start from day one or jump in mid-February, anyone is welcome to participate. And if you've already got the books memorized and don't feel like reading along, you can just join the festivities and plethora of activities.

• READ ALONG DETAILS will be posted here, at Amanda's To Read or Not to Read? This will include monthly reading details and weekly #FowlDay activity announcements.
• TWITTER + FACEBOOK: Share updates and photos on Twitter and to my Facebook page with the hashtag #AFReadAlong and activity participation with the hashtag #FowlDay.

Sound like fun? Then join in the Artemis Fowl Read Along!
Leave your name and one or more of your social media sites on this spreadsheet to let everyone know you're participating!

ARTEMIS FOWL | October 1 - October 31

• 10/1 - 10/6: Prologue-Chapter 3
• 10/7 - 10/13: Chapter 4-5
• 10/14 - 10/20: Chapter 6-7
• 10/21 - 10/27: Chapter 8-Epilogue
• 10/28 - 10/31: Post review, recap, and/or reaction; recreate a favorite moment for #FowlDay in any artistic medium!

Don't forget to update on social media throughout the read along with the hashtag #AFReadAlong (no spoilers, please.) And remember, there will be fun activities every Thursday for #FowlDay!

Stay tuned: the first activity will be posted on 9/27 to kick off the #AFReadAlong in style!

Don't wait; join the read along! I can't wait to hear your updates and take trips down memory lane with you, but most importantly, we're here to HAVE FUN and enjoy a great series. Make sure to use the hashtag #AFReadAlong or tag me so I can share your updates with everyone.

*I will be making some handcrafted and/or personally designed items for a few giveaways throughout the read along. If you are interested in donating any Artemis Fowl-themed items for this purpose, I would love that! Shoot me an email at toreadandreview[at]gmail[dot]com to discuss details and promotional opportunities.

5 Books That Ripped My Heart Out (But I Can't Help Loving)

One of the most gorgeous things about reading is the emotional investment you put into each book. Stories and characters easily touch us with truths, pain, and beauty that is sometimes harder to grasp in reality. And this is why humanity loves stories.

Sometimes, though, the truths that fiction conveys to us hit us right where it hurts the most. Here is a list of my top 5 books that ripped my heart out, but I can't help loving anyway.

The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society
by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

It is impossible not to become completely attached to the characters of Guernsey, both in the present story line of Juliet's blossoming friendship with the Society shortly after WWII and their recounting of the German occupation and Blitz during the war. This is one of my favorite books, beautiful and delightful, a funny, feel-good read, with enough weight and substance it clings to you. And that substance is, unfortunately, the bit that ripped my heart out. While tears are unavoidable, it's part of what makes this book so beautifully magnificent.

The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak

If you have not yet read this critically-acclaimed masterpiece, you must. It paints the story of a young German girl and her adoptive family in 1939 as they watch their country sink deeper and deeper into the clutches of the Nazi party. While her country is closing in around her and neighbors are divided by their extremist political parties, Liesel's world is opened by the books she reads -and steals. This is a beautiful story that examines the tension and terror of the time from breathtaking angles -from Liesel's telling stories to make their bleak world a little brighter, to her best friend Rudy who idolizes Jessie Owens, to her adoptive father Hans struggling to stand firm in is own beliefs without endangering his family, to her Jewish friend Max hiding in the basement who fantasizes about pummeling Hitler in a boxing ring. Most beautiful of all, I think, is Zusak's choice of narrator in Death, his poetic descriptions, his observations from outside humanity, and his descriptions of the precious souls he carries in his arms when their times come.

Summerlost by Ally Condie

This bitter-sweet middle grade novel follows Cedar in the summer after losing her father and brother, as she and what remains of her family fix up a new summer home. Here she discovers Summerlost, an outdoor Shakespearean theater (based off the real-life Utah Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City, UT), a place where she finally begins to feel happy again. It's also where she meets Leo, a boy obsessed with Summerlost's most famous actress, who died tragically young. As the two become fast friends, they begin to investigate the famous woman's death -was it really innocent? or was it murder?- giving Cedar a unique look at others who have survived the grief of losing a loved one. This is a beautiful book, raw and realistic in its dealings with loss and grief and the process of understanding and healing from both.

84, Charing Cross Road by Helene Hanff

This non-fiction collection of letters between Helene Hanff and her English booksellers-turned-penpals shares many of the same fantastic qualities and attributes as Guernsey (so much so, I actually wonder how much it influenced Shaffer and Barrows in their writing). Helene's sharp wit and zealous love for books, books, books makes her an instant kindred spirit to any true reader, including dry-humored Frank, her main correspondent, as over 30 years of exchanging letters they develop a unique, close friendship -one book lover's soul to another- even separated by an ocean.

Blood for Blood by Ryan Graudin

This is the book that inspired the list. I fell head over heels in love with its predecessor, Wolf by Wolf, for it's amazing characterization, depth, story, gorgeous writing, and giving me a character in Yael to whom I could relate in so many ways. While Blood for Blood shares many of these qualities, the ending also ripped my heart out. Ripped my heart out, put it through a shredder, raked through the pieces, and I still haven't gotten them all back into place. I related with Yael so much in this series that, when it came to describing her grief and her loss, I felt the ache of it because it was a reflection of my own. Through most of the series this was almost comforting, to relate to her so much on many different levels, but the ending simply hit too close to home. As much as I love this series, I honestly do not know that I will ever be able to read it again. This doesn't mean I don't recommend it; it is such an amazing story with beautiful, gorgeous, and human characters that I adore. I think everyone in the world should read it, simply consider this a trigger warning for grief.

Your turn:
What beautiful books cut to your soul
and ripped your heart out?

The Return to BookTube Tag!

Today is very exciting because today marks my official comeback to BookTube!

For those of you who don't know, 'BookTube' is a YouTube community of readers. There are thousands of channels with videos from book reviews and monthly 'wrap ups' of recent reads to discussions on reading or the publishing industry and in-depth looks at favorite (or least favorite) books. It's a great community for passionate readers.

And if you didn't know, I was once a very active booktuber, but I took an unexpected hiatus when my video editor started crashing on me every 30 seconds or so. (That was a very, very dark time, trust you me.) So a complete overhaul of my video-making system and two years later, I finally stomped on that dastardly fiend Procrastination, took the plunge, and now I'm back to making videos.

HUZZAH!

I have always loved talking about books, whether on YouTube or here on my blog, but there's a certain type of crazy enthusiasm I only find while filming booktube videos.

And thanks to my friend, collaborator, and co-conspirator at BritishBiblioholic, I AM BACK!

No worries! I'm not leaving the blog; we're not talking an either/or situation here. One of my big problems with booktube is that I usually have SO MANY topics and ideas that I can't keep up with them on videos alone, so that content will become 'Blog Exclusives'. (Woo-hoo-hoo, look who's gettin' fancy!)

So if you enjoy my book reviews here, definitely check out my YouTube channel!

And don't miss my giveaway for Robin Hood's Dawn; closes Feb 2.

REVIEW: Good Omens by Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett

3.5/5 stars
PG-13 for some swearing, sexual references, and irreverence to Judeo-Christian religions
Recommend to fans of humor, the ridiculous, parody, and satire. If you enjoy Douglas Adams or Christian comedian Brad Stine, you will probably find humor here.

According to The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (the world's only completely accurate book of prophecies, written in 1655, before she exploded), the world will end on a Saturday. Next Saturday, in fact. Just before dinner.
So the armies of Good and Evil are amassing, Atlantis is rising, frogs are falling, tempers are flaring. Everything appears to be going according to Divine Plan. Except a somewhat fussy angel and a fast-living demon—both of whom have lived amongst Earth's mortals since The Beginning and have grown rather fond of the lifestyle—are not actually looking forward to the coming Rapture.
And someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist . . .

Good Omens is completely irreverent and absolutely hilarious.

I adore it.

NOT THAT ELEPHANT!
It's just a figure of speech!

First, let me address the elephant in the room.

This book is super irreverent toward Judeo-Christian religions. I hesitated reading this for a while because of that. In the end, I'm very glad I did, because it's hilarious. Some people might find this book offensive or insulting because of its irreverence -and I get that. BUT, if you think you might be one of these people, let me say this: just don't take it too seriously. It makes light of serious Biblical events, yes, but at the same time, it offers up some good points and interesting commentary about the world. And, in the end, just remember it's a part satire, part parody, fantasy, comedy novel.

On this topic of religion and irreverence, there's actually an interesting theme at play in the fabric of the story which I quite love, pointing at how the worst and the best things in history were devised by humans, not influenced by the likes of demons or angels. It even mentions that Crowley (a demon) took notes during the Spanish Inquisition and sent them back to Hell, because even demons couldn't come up with this stuff. It's almost a running joke throughout the story for Crowley (said demon) or Aziraphale (an angel) to admire one particularly successful blessing or terror, only for the other to reply, "Oh, that wasn't us. We thought that was yours."

Now, I find this so interesting because of the popular idea, both in storytelling and theology, that devils and angels hang around earth, tempting and guiding people in their daily lives.

I've never much liked this concept because it has the stench of brushing off personal responsibility. In a nutshell, I think temptations come from the evil inclinations inside oneself, rather than from an external evil force trying to lead one into darkness; if one simply blames one's sins on the siren call of the devil, one is rather sloughing off one's personal culpability to said sin and one's personal responsibility to keep oneself on the path of the righteous. For example:

It's not my fault
If in God's plan
He made the devil
So much stronger than a man
Hellfire, from Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame 

After all, when people put down all the evil in the world to devils and the good in it to angels -or to any spiritual powers!- that certainly begs the question of an individual: "Then what does it matter what I do?"

In Good Omens, Pratchett and Gaiman play around with this idea through the perspectives of Crowley and Aziraphale and -while I don't agree with most of the theology aspects in this book- this side of it is actually quite poignant. It proposes that humans have the capability to be more evil than demons and better than angels.

And you know what? I think they've got a point.

Plus, the book is hilarious. A demon who drives a 1926 black Bentley with 'Dick Turpin' painted on the side? An angel who owns a rare book store? A two-man (not very in demand) army of witch hunters, an 11-year-old Antichrist, and the world's only complete book of prophecy written by one Agnes Nutter, Witch? And all of these elements are thrown into a blender without a top and set on puree. The only thing missing are those identical, little black bags from Oscar!

Of all the parts of this book, what I love most is the friendship between Crowley and Aziraphale. The pair have found common ground over millennia through their shared affinity for earth and humans during their time spent tempting and guiding mankind, and neither of them is much looking forward to seeing the End of the World they've come to love. AND THUS IS BORN THE GREAT COMEDIC TEAM UP. Aside from their poignant dual observations on humanity, theirs is a hilarious and unlikely friendship as they bumble around trying to mess up the Great Plan -and all the better for it, says I!

The plot is a convoluted band of hilarity as Heaven and Hell and everything in between gear up for Armageddon, but while the story tends to bounce all over the place between a wide array of eccentric characters, Gaiman and Pratchett never disappoint to fill a scene to its fullest and funniest potential and it is obvious they enjoyed every second of time they spent in this world.

My one complaint of the whole story is the rather anticlimactic finish. It doesn't necessarily leave loose ends, but it isn't what I wanted, either. There are enough good moments throughout that I still quite love the book but -judge me if you must!- I'm kind of hoping the ending might get tweaked in that BBC miniseries coming next year. *fingers crossed*

Good Omens constantly had me in a fit of giggles, occasionally provoked me to think a little deeper, and easily let me imagine David Tennant in Crowley's shoes just from the way his lines were written.

Besides, any book whose summary ends "And someone seems to have misplaced the Antichrist..." deserves a read, don't you think?

Have you read Good Omens?