I made it to Chapter 31 of Order of the Phoenix, when Harry dreams about Voldemort holding Sirius captive.
That was about two weeks ago.
I had some family come in to visit, and I've been using that as an excuse not to go on. "I don't have time to read" and "I want to get through it all at once, have some time to process" and "I need some space to mourn."
Of course, now that my family is gone, and I no longer have those excuses, I find myself still unwilling to start that next chapter. Even right now. I'm literally writing this at close to 1am just so I can tell myself I don't have time to start listening to audio now.
Though I haven't read the books before, I do -unfortunately- know what's coming. I thought it wouldn't bother me this much, but the truth is that Order of the Phoenix has wrought some serious havoc with my emotions already! And with other spoilers I know that are coming down the line, I feel a bit like I'm on the brink of that chasm that divides the Harry Potter series from middle grade to YA. I'm not sure I want to be here yet.
In truth, I'm not ready to say goodbye. I fell in love with Sirius harder than I expected but, aside from that, I've fallen in love with ALL of these characters harder than I expected. Way harder. And I know, from this point on, things get worse -far, far worse- before they ever get better. I'm going to miss those merry days when Harry could solve the problem with a little help from his friends and Dumbledore.
So I'm putting it off. Do you know how long it's been since I put off finishing a book because of emotional turmoil? Dudes, it's been a looooong time. It's kind of nice. And horrible. All at once.
And that's where the other hand comes in. Even as I dread continuing on -despite knowing that the ending is evidently good- I do crave that depth I anticipate the darker, more complicated and frustrated final books will likely bring. Up to this point, I do feel J.K. Rowling has been clever and satisfactory in her work and I want to know if I think she pulls it off to the end. It's just getting to the end that I know will cause me strife.
*siiiigh*
I can't put it off any longer.
It's time to say goodbye.
I completely understand what you mean. I feel like OotP is the real turning point for the series where things get darker, heartbreaking and soul shattering...but also so much more immersive! This series has destroyed me more than any other series and that's why really that it will ALWAYS be my favorite. The emotional response it gets from me...even after all these years is incomparable. I adore Sirius too and I feel your pain for what lies ahead ♥
ReplyDeleteNice to know I'm not alone! I managed to get another chapter in last night, so my Harry Potter hiatus has officially ended, for better or worse.
DeleteHugs Amanda, I completely get what you're saying. That moment where things become so serious and we care so much about all the characters and what happens to them. I truly became vested in this story as well.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I needed that. *sigh* I finished it this morning and it was more bittersweet than outright bitter, so I'm okay. Yeah, pretty sure I'm okay. Just got to keep reading!
DeleteI know it's hard, but the books are worth the pain because there are plenty of smiles and laughter as well. HP is really good at balancing the dark and light moments of the books. Half-Blood Prince is actually a perfect example of this. Just remember, “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
ReplyDeleteI have noticed that in the series -the end of this book had more cheer than I expected, just with Harry and the DA fending off Malfoy's attack, and Moody and the gang giving the Dursleys a little what for. And I love that Rowling capped off Harry's despair over Sirius with that conversation with Luna; I cried again when Harry found the mirror and had that glimmer of hope, but talking with Luna made it better for me, too.
Delete*deep breath*
Now only the last two to go. I almost don't want it to end!
Through the books, the characters just become that much more a part of you. I remember how much more information we have about Sirius. All the times that Harry turns to him when he's in distress. All the times he's stood up for Harry, even when he maybe should've stayed quiet. That part is so hard. Luna is a shining light for Harry which I think a lot of fans weren't expecting. She gets through to him sometimes when he doesn't want to listen to anyone else. It's one of the reasons I love her :D Here's hoping you make it safely to the other side!
ReplyDeleteI haven't even finished yet and I already know the first thing I want to do when I finish seven is start all over again! Much as I love books, that doesn't often happen for me. I'm usually good to move on to the next. But I have a feeling I'm missing stuff as a first time reader and I can't wait to go through again to pick it all up!
DeleteGah! People keep hinting there's more learn about Sirius! I can't wait to get there!
OotP is such a tough one to finish. I remember reading it for the first and being completely devastated about Sirius. I'd been reading the book nonstop and had to put it down for a while to try and process what happened. But I loved what Luna said to Harry at the end of OotP, and I found her words very comforting, too. :)
ReplyDeleteLuna was definitely the reason I was okay with it by the end. If not for that conversation, it would have been so much more devastating!
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