Arty has the best friends | TTP Ch 9-12 | Artemis Fowl Read Along

Welcome back to this week's Fowl Day, the hottest Artemis Fowl-themed weekly celebration on the Internet!

Chapter 9: The Prince Frog

Young Artemis has done some nasty deeds up to now. And while he's en route to Fez to deal with a man he despises and seal the fate of an adorable little lemur he is pointedly ignoring, doubt begins to poke through his thoughts. I am swimming with the sharks, he thinks. But the realization goes deeper and startles the young would-be criminal mastermind. He isn't just swimming with the sharks; he's about to become one of them.

And for us, there is an unspoken question here: Is that what Artemis really wants?

Up to now, young Artemis has been portrayed only as cold and, yes, misguided. When Kronski asks about his father, though, we see him react emotionally (by Artemis' standards, anyway) and it really suckerpunched me with the reminder that this is still the Artemis I love -younger, more vulnerable, with less experience handling it all, and two more years -two whole years, guys, of absolute hell- ahead of him.

I suddenly want to give him a huge hug.

Even though he'd hate it.

And probably have Butler do something painful to me.

For as much as I berated Arty for tricking and manipulating Holly, I do rather enjoy seeing him wracked with guilt. Sure, I occasionally enjoy watching favorite characters suffer and grow in painful awkward ways, but this shows how much Artemis has truly grown from that first moment we saw him in Ho Chi Minh City. The fact that Arty is wracked with guilt -that he can't brush it off or justify it, that he knows he has to tell Holly the truth- is a sign of just how far he's come and actually of just how decent a person he's turning out to be.

I like that, for Artemis the elder, Butler's voice keeps popping up in his head. The bodyguard is, after all, not simply a bodyguard and manservant, but Artemis' confidante, his conscience, constant companion, and closest friend. It makes sense that Arty misses Butler by his side (especially when faced with the bodyguard's younger counterpart) and I love that Butler's voice isn't just being used as a voice of conscience or reason, but also for casual, Butler-ish comments and wit, off of which Artemis readily plays.

I've done this. It's not unusual for me to have imaginary conversations with friends who aren't there, because something I know they would say just pops into my head.

...you do that too, right? Arty and I aren't crazy?

Holly is really going to make Artemis pay for his manipulations. I should have made popcorn for this.

Chapter 10: A Fowl Mood

Holly understands why Artemis manipulated her, even if she can't forgive him yet. She does feel she misjudged their friendship and realizes now that all she and Artemis can ever have is what they've only ever had: a grudging respect.

But this is a lie. Holly's wrong. From the events of The Opal Deception to The Lost Colony, they moved out of 'grudging respect' territory and straight into the role of friends and there's no denying it.

Yes, Artemis screwed up. Yes, you should be angry at him, Holly. But you can't pretend you didn't have a friendship.

Commander Julius Root.
...remember when I said I'd forgotten a lot about this book?

Root waxing poetic about throwing in the towel, then grinning over a call from Holly because it's fairies like her -fairies he's trusting and grooming to take over when he's gone- that keep him holding onto his job. Fairies like Holly need him and what he has to teach, and that's why he'll hold onto those Commander's acorns as long as he needs to.

What gets me most of all, though, is that Root thinks of himself as '[Holly]'s doting grandfather', even if he doesn't want her to see it yet. My heart!

Holly getting the opportunity to thank Julius for everything, to show her appreciation and understanding for everything he's done for her, is one of the best moments. Maybe it's fan service. I don't care. It mends and breaks my heart at once.

And just like that, Artemis x Holly is done. YAY!
But at least their friendship is back on track.

THEY NAMED THE LEMUR AFTER JULIUS!
...excuse me while I go cry a little over this and the adorable nickname Jayjay...

Chapter 11: Pigeon Droppings

Kronski just showed up to the meet in a tailored camouflage SUIT.
I'm not sure 'preposterous' does this quite enough justice.

On page 205, when Artemis summarizes the upcoming exchange to Holly, he refers to the lemur as 'it', which is a way of emotionally detaching himself and objectifying the lemur rather than seeing him as a living creature (thanks, I Am Not A Serial Killer!). We've already covered that Artemis holds (and represses) a lot of guilt over his role in the lemur's extinction and, despite the fact he's now trying to save the creature, his calling him an 'it' is an extension of that guilt reaching into the present (future? past? oh never mind).

But Holly won't it. (Literally.) She sees exactly what Artemis is doing and she jumps on it. Him, she corrects, because the lemur is male; 'and his name is Jayjay.'

I love this. Artemis doesn't even try to fight her on it; from here on out, he refers to the lemur as Jayjay and there's no ducking out of an attachment now. Holly has once again helped him kick a bad habit, own up to his actions, and helped him grow.

Young Artemis, it turns out, is a sly little weasel!
Once again, things go nothing like Artemis the elder predicts and this time he and Holly fall right into his younger self's trap -into the clutches of Kronski. I want to strangle the younger Artemis and yet, at the same time, I know that if this story was solely told from his perspective, I would be cheering him on right now.

Bravo, Eoin; bravo.

I rather enjoy the fact that Artemis the elder is consistently underestimating his younger self, especially because that is exactly what he hated that when he was younger but also realized at the time that his age could be an advantage as it would cause people to underestimate him.

And now that Artemis the elder has 'sacrificed his queen for a rook' he finally realizes his younger self is not only as smart as himself, but far more ruthless.

Irony, party of one?
...or is that two?...

Chapter 12: Gone Forever

Okay. I realize I'm about to over-analyze a humorous but ultimately innocuous bit of exposition, but I can't help it!

First of all, Artemis occasionally writes romance novels under the pseudonym Violet Tsirblou (that pun took me a minute, but I knew one was there!). Considering his 13-year-old self will take to writing psychology papers under another pseudonym, obviously the 'rather childish' equivalent the ten-year-old would write is romance.

Second, in the 5-minute reprieve driving to Kronski's compound granted young Artemis for ironing out the plan in the presence of his 'enemy', he's so confident and self-assured of his plan (and however far out it might extend) that he frivolously uses two of those minutes to plot a romance novel.

Third, Artemis plots a romance novel in two minutes.

Kronski says something weird on page 222 that I don't understand yet:
"You ever think it strange, Ah-temis, how a kid like you winds up eyeball to eyeball with an old crook like me?" ... "It delights me...that a boy such as you exists."

Is this foreshadowing something? Or an aspect of Kronski that isn't explored? Or maybe just a random comment?
If you've got a thought on this, let me know! I'm super curious.

"That will be the guilt gnawing at your soul."
Awww, Butler.

Everybody needs a Butler. Always got your back, always the scariest person in the room, always telling you like it is, always giving you that nudge in the right direction (as forceful as he has to), and always on your side -even if it doesn't feel like it.

I remembered that Opal played into this somewhere, but not quite how. She's mesmerizing a human to do her bidding, eh? For as smart as she (thinks she) is, turns out she's rather a one-hit wonder, isn't she?

I was just thinking 'Holly's always so low on magic!' when Artemis said it. But hearing Holly tally up all her magic-uses -yeah, Arty's a lot of the reason she's never got the juice she needs.

Holly and Artemis understand each other, from anticipating each other's reactions, to knowing habits, to playing off each other to sell an off-the-cuff cover story perfectly, and this is one of the many reasons this is one of my favorite friendships.

Thanks for joining me again on the Artemis Fowl Read Along! I'll see you next week for the wrap up of The Time Paradox. Same Fowl Day, same Fowl read along.

March's reading schedule for The Time Paradox:

March 7: Chapters 1-4

March 14: Chapters 5-8

March 21: Chapters 9-12

March 28: Chapters 13-16

The Saddest One of All | Opal Deception 1-3 | Artemis Fowl Read Along

The clones looked fine, but they were basically shells with only enough brain power to run the body's basic functions. They were missing the spark of life.

I'm pointing this bit out to save for a later date; specifically, when we get to The Last Guardian, because Opal's clone does come back into play a little. It's been long enough since I read that book that I can't remember quite how all the pieces fit. So this is a reminder for me to compare the two, when the time comes, and a reminder for you to help remind me. ;)

It occurs to me that Opal Koboi is to Artemis Fowl novels what Number 1 is to Bond Films. Now that I think about, all throughout The Arctic Incident Colfer refers to Opal several times with cat-like traits (purring, curled cat-like on her Hoverboy), which correlates rather nicely with the fact that Number 1 is usually seen villainously stroking a fluffy white cat. Coincidence? I think not.

Pascal Herve is not, if you were curious, a real life painter. I was kind of hoping that maybe all but the 16th rumored Fairy Thief might be real paintings, but alas. Pascal Herve is, however, the name of a French cyclist and we know that Eoin does love to share names across his universes; maybe he's a cycling fan?

"This outfit is preposterous."
I love Artemis trying to play the part of a normal, modern teenager. He's such a cranky old man, griping about these 'brainless young kids, these days.'

Perhaps next time.
Leaving the bank vault with his prize, Artemis gloats at the rest of the security boxes. Ahh, for a criminal mastermind, the world is filled with such wonderful possibilities, isn't it?

For the first time Artemis smiled sincerely, and for some reason the sight sent shivers down Bertholt's spine. "Do you know something, Bertholt? I think some of my best work will be done in banks."
Any time Artemis' vampire smile appears in a good moment. But this one also gets added to the joke counter.

And deep underground, we find Holly grappling with the possible doom of promotion. Luckily -or not so luckily?- Root is there to help her make the right decision.
"...this promotion is not for you; it's for the People."
I've mentioned before that Holly Short is basically my favorite action hero. And the thing about heroes is that they are the ones who sacrifice not only their own well-being but their own desires for the greater good and the needs of others. Holly is a true one. Later on, when she volunteers despite her fear to accompany Root into E37 and the obvious trap, she steadies herself with a similar thought. That was what being an LEP officer was all about. Protecting the People.
And this brings to mind yet another parallel to Die Hard's John McClain; this conversation from Live Free or Die Hard popped into my head while reading this chapter:

The Artemis Fowl series -almost entirely thanks to Holly Short- really is Die Hard with fairies!

So Holly is reminded, yet again, that what she wants is not the most important thing here. That's not the job. But Root, never a softy, nevertheless finds a way to soften the blow -even if his attempts to actually soften the blow did little to help.

"If it makes any difference," he said quietly, almost awkwardly, "I'm proud of you."

...

It does make a difference, thought Holly...A big difference.

This is, without a doubt, the nicest thing Root has ever said to her and, I think, the one thing he could say that would ever truly matter to Holly.

*sniff

While Holly and Root are heading toward E37, we find out about the movie in production inspired by the events surrounding the B'wa Kell uprising, and this bit struck me as particularly funny.

...and Artemis Fowl was to be completely computer generated.

I mean, Hollywood today generates their scariest monsters with CGI -why not the fairies? And to the People, what indeed could be more frightening than a too-smart, cold-hearted Mud Boy?

"Every shot is registered on the LEP computer, so we can tell who fired, when they fired, and in what direction."

The irony here. Foaly is so proud of his new toys. And Koboi did vow to bring him down by besting him at his own precious skill set.

"Just push the button, before I come out there and push it with your face."

"Some things never change," muttered Foaly, pushing the button.

A reference, of course, to another charming Root/Foaly/faced-used-for-button-pushing conversation. But this -we know and Foaly will soon know- is a lie; things always change, eventually.

"It really tugs my beard to put us in harm's way over a goblin, but that's the job."

Heroes. Greater good. Protecting the People, even the bad ones. Colfer does such a wonderful job leading up to this moment. Even Koboi, taunting Holly about whether they've come up with something ingenious -it makes you wonder, if Holly and Root had decided to leave Scalene and save their own skins, would Koboi have still had a way to carry out her plan? Or is Koboi so familiar with how they work, with how their hero brains think, that she knew they would never leave the goblin in danger? Would that have been the ingenious plan to save them both? But in the end, it doesn't matter. Holly and Root are heroes, through and through. Even if they knew leaving Scalene behind would have saved them both, they never would have done it. Because they're the guys.

Random aside -I've never picture Root with a beard before.

Were they just about to do exactly what she wanted?

Taunted by Koboi, Holly starts to question their plan. But Root's in position. And they have a plan. So she follows it. I imagine that going's to be responsible for a lot of sleepless nights.

Faced with the tiniest possibility of saving her commander, Holly doesn't hesitate to jeopardize her own position -or to defy Root's orders one last time- to take that chance.
"I'll save Artemis next," she said.

And this, of course, demonstrates the most common burden of heroes: the inability to save everyone -and the inability to accept that.

"Be well."
-I love these as the last words of Julius Root. He's already said he's proud of her; he's trained her as best he could; despite flaws, she's lived up to and even exceeded his expectations; he knows she'll do what needs to be done to protect the People. In the end, this seemed the most important thing left to say.

Right now, she had an order to follow. And she would follow it, even if it was the last thing she ever did, because it had been the last order Julius Root ever gave.

This has always been the hardest chapter for me to read. Losing Root never seems to get easier.

When I first discovered the series, I talked my family into listening to the audio versions on car trips. They took this chapter even worse than me. My mom flat-out refuses that it exists; instead, she and my sister assert that a shared universe with Stargate SG-1 allowed Root to be resurrected with a healing sarcophagus and that Root is still alive and well below ground. They didn't read much farther into the series.

Sorry to start the new year off on a sad note, but Root's memory will live on in Holly -especially as she gets ready to take down Opal Koboi.

Next week, we're reading chapters 4-6 and discussing here Jan 17 for #FowlDay. Don't miss it, and thanks for joining me!

But don't leave me hanging -what are your thoughts on this week's chapters?

Fangirling Over the Artemis Fowl Movie News, Don't Mind Me

This was me, last night at 9, when I realized that in my excitement to host a young adult book club at my library today, I *achem* actually forgot to read a young adult book for the book club I am hosting at my library TODAY.

And this was me, approx 9:30, when I remembered beloved classics are classics for just such a reason as this. It helps that I still have entire sections of Artemis Fowl memorized which frankly amazed me since I haven't read it in maybe seven years. On the other hand, I've probably read the book or listened to the audio close to 20 times.

While I didn't manage to stay up late enough to reread the whole enchilada -I'm not as young as I used to be- I left off just before Butler goes medieval and battles himself a troll. For those of you uneducated, that's roughly 7/8 into the book AND one of the most exciting parts, so I'll finish that before this afternoon no sweat.

I would have finished it last night if I hadn't gotten distracted trying to dreamcast Butler for the miracle that is the Artemis Fowl movie because WE ACTUALLY HAVE A RELEASE DATE!

August 9, 2019 is the day (hopefully, hopefully, hopefully) that the 12-year-old Irish criminal mastermind and his foray to exploit the leprechauns of their gold will hit the big screen. I say 'hopefully, hopefully, hopefully' because, well, after 16 YEARS of one of your all-time favorite books STUCK IN HOLLYWOOD'S DEVELOPMENT HELL it's hard not to become a bit of a pessimist.

But it seems we die-hard fans have something to be optimistic about! According to tvovermind.com, one of the reasons my most-anticipated movie adaptation has taken so long is because of disagreements between directors, screenwriters, and my writing hero, Mr. Colfer over said adaptation.

As it happens so often the direction that the initial director wanted to go in wasn’t deemed worth filming, neither was the direction that a second director wanted to go in. It took some time obviously but it would appear that Branagh and those in charge, and possibly the author, are now on the same wavelength and can finally bring their ideas to fruition. Nothing stalls out a book-based movie as much as miscommunication between those attempting to bring it to life.

This

could

be

HUGE.

How many adaptations have gone horribly, utterly wrong because those adapting the story didn't seem to understand said story?

While I'm still pessimistic about the movie actually being cast, filmed, developed, and released by August 9, 2019 without anymore Development Hell snaffoos, I have high hopes that -if it does actually meet its release date- this is going to be one freaking fantastic film. And nothing would make my fangirl heart happier than an excellent adaption of one of my all-time favorites, Artemis Fowl.

Don't agree? Hypable's Why You Should Be Excited About the Artemis Fowl Movie pretty much covers all the reasons.

But back to dreamcasting.

Way back when, I was totally on board with an initial fan favorite of Jason Statham in the role of Butler, Artemis' ...well, butler. Butler, chef, bodyguard. While Statham certainly lacks the stature of a true Butler -described as a 'man mountain'- he could certainly pull off the intimidation, skills, and attitude of our most beloved father-figure. However, rereading Artemis Fowl makes me realize how much I want to see that image of the hulking man mountain taking orders from a diminutive 12-year-old.

Unfortunately my Google searches for 'tallest actors under 40' and 'Eurasian actors' didn't pull up any immediate "OMYGOSH YES YES" matches, though I do find myself leaning toward the possibility of Dolph Lundgren. While he doesn't quite have the shoulder breadth I imagined, he's 6'5'', no stranger to action movies, and can totally pull off the suit and sunglasses look.

The one thing I know for sure is that I don't want Disney to cast Dwayne Johnson for this role. While he certainly has the physique and the family-friendly film record to pull it off, I just cannot picture The Rock as the intimidating Butler. I cannot picture myself seeing The Rock with a serious face and actually being able to take him seriously.

I'm looking forward to an unknown actor filling the role of Artemis; there's already a casting call for 'Irish actor aged 9-12 of any ethnicity'. I haven't even considered yet who would make a good Holly, Foaly, and Juliet. What I do know -what I have known since that fateful day I heard the movie rights had been initially bought- is that J.K. Simmons would be perfect for Julius Root. Look at him! All you have to do is color some red into his face and done.

But while I'm indecisive, I'm sure you all have opinions.

Who is your dream cast for the Artemis Fowl movie?
Thoughts, hopes, and fears for the movie adaptation?

Aaaaaand here's me when I accidentally hit the camera button again, but gracefully managed to save the picture.

Now excuse me while I dash last minute through the last of Artemis Fowl before book club since, you know, I got distracted talking to you.