Welcome back to the hottest Fowl party on the Internet! Thanks for joining me again. My apologies for last week -between unexpected family visits and a comic convention, things got pretty crazy up in here, but I'm glad you're back!
Today I have a special bonus prize for all my Read Along readers (or anyone else who finds this post). I've designed a board game with a very, very specific niche audience in mind -you and me!
Check out Production Hell: A Game for Long-Suffering Artemis Fowl Fans. This is a free downloadable PDF, just a silly idea I knew I had to do. The game is a fun way to relive the highs and lows that have been the last 18 years of the Artemis Fowl's films adventure in and out of Production Hell.
Chapter 7: How Do I Love Thee?
Throwback time!
Assuming Orion is everything Artemis is not (and vice versa, as we see when Orion later uses the Butler training Artemis is so content to ignore) we can extrapolate from Orion's spouting of 'women need only exude beauty and serve no other function' that Arty conversely believes the opposite, which rather proves he's got a helluva lot of respect for women and I love that. Admittedly, Arty is surrounded by some pretty awesomely strong women, between his mother, Holly, and Juliet. I'd be disappointed if Arty didn't respect and -when advisable- fear those amazing females.
One question: What exactly has Artemis been reading to fill Orion's head such 'princess', 'good beast,' 'secret birthmark' nonsense? We know from The Time Paradox that Arty's no stranger to Tolkien's works but -thankfully- they can't be blamed for such silliness.
Orion calls Artemis mean and nasty and wonders why Holly would want him back. If Orion is everything Artemis is not, but is still of Artemis' mind and Atlantis Complex is bred of guilt, is this Artemis' own perspective of himself, deep down, and something he wonders for himself?
Here I was thinking Turnball Root had a soft side, because look how much he loves Leonor -but nope, magically manipulating emotions is not love.
"Amazing what a person will do to avoid guilt..."
Here Colfer drew us a lovely comparison between brainwashed Vishby -who Turnball marvels at being able to live two lives existing side by side- and Artemis who's doing the same by of Orion.
THE RETURN OF THE JUXTAPOSITIONS!!!
Turnball obviously did not like Julius. There's really no secret made about that. Julius was his annoying, goody-two-shoes little brother who put him in prison. But his thoughts on Opal Koboi are also pretty clear. If anyone should be worrying about Koboi, the text tells us, it ought to be Turnball, because Koboi killed his little brother.
This more than anything in the book -even Leonor and their forbidden love, which I'll talk about later- is what makes Turnball the most interesting and complicated, I think, and it's a pity that we weren't able to explore this side of the story a little more.
Is Turnball merely annoyed at Koboi because he wanted to kill Julius? Is it a deeply ingrained honor thing, like the princes in Stardust, who needed to avenge their brother's murder by an outside force even though their way to become king was literally to kill each other and be the last left standing? Or was Julius, despite being the annoying little brother who put him in prison, still his brother, and no one messes with Turnball's family but him?
Chapter 8: Randomosity
"...sometimes people are not who they think they are," Angeline tells Artemis. Though this is a dig about his mesmerizing her after The Lost Colony, I like the unspoken side of this too.
Angeline has just tricked Artemis into promising to wear jeans and a T-shirt, which fills him with horror, when she uses this dig on him. We know from The Time Paradox that Artemis first began wearing bespoke suits to look professional taking over the family business after his father vanished. He was no longer a boy, no longer a child; he was the man of the house but, more importantly, the head of the business, and he dressed the part. Now that his father is back, their family nearly twice as big, and the criminal empire no more, Artemis might think he knows who he is, but Angeline is determined to make him a teenager and gain some of what he's lost.
Wait, Artemis has a hamster?
Granted, I should maybe be focusing on the fact the Beckett was caught chewing on the hamster's leg, or maybe that for three-year-olds, Myles and Beckett are both frighteningly smart and devious, but I seriously can't get away from this idea that Artemis has a pet and it's a hamster.
However, hearing Butler recount the exploits and hijinks of the twins definitely has me excited for the new book!
Chapter 9: Forbidden Love
Even seeing Leonor loved Turnball before he enthralled her with his magic doesn't make me any more empathetic toward him. Sorry, dude.
Let's just stop and fully appreciate that Artemis considers 'wow' a slang term. Just saying.
Mulch is about as sympathetic to Arty's mental disorder as one would expect.
Leonor's a pretty awesome woman, guys. An aviatrix of Earhart's caliber, a moral woman according to Turnball, certainly not stupid considering how fast she puts things together when the rune wears off; she's daring, brave, and confident. The worst thing she seems to have done is fallen in love with her dashing fairy savior, but let's focus on her last moments. She is far older than she has any right to be and frail; the Turnball has kept her under and submissive through has finally worn off and, if she doesn't recognize the full extent of that magic, she's close. She knows now why she never flew again, sees what Turnball did to her, and is now recognizing her husband for the villain he truly is, and she doesn't lose her cool. She doesn't weep over all her lost time or rage or even torn on Turnball. Instead, she kisses him goodbye and flies one last time, to save an entire hospital full of innocents, and toward a fiery death and a watery grave.
To Turnball's credit, he decides to dies with her. It's very little credit because, while it proves he loved her truly, it is still a selfish love. He certainly didn't do it to save the hospital nor did he come to regret any of his misdeeds. But no all villains get redemption stories, even if they do have true love's kiss.
Orion finally gets his moment to shine and, surprisingly, there's not a bivouac in sight.
"It's not that easy," Holly tells Artemis about letting his past and guilt go, "but you can do it with our help..."
Holly has been saying this since The Opal Deception, when she told Artemis he should let his family and friends start helping him. While he certainly delved into more moral practices after that, it can't truly be said he relied too much on his family and friends. And look what happened to you, Arty!
Even with its flaws, I do appreciate The Atlantis Complex especially for giving Artemis this latest (possibly last?) big push into true Hero territory. But I guess we'll find out soon.
Now, what does The Last Guardian have in store for us?
May's reading schedule for The Last Guardian:
May 2: Chapters 1-4
May 9: Chapters 5-9
May 16: Chapters 10-13
May 30: Chapters 14-19
And that, my friends, will be the end of the Artemis Fowl Read Along.
Don't forget to check out Production Hell: A Game for Long-Suffering Artemis Fowl Fans. It's my pride and joy, a free download and, dare I say, ridiculously fun.
