Harma-Geddon's Comin' | TLG Ch 5-8 | Artemis Fowl Read Along

For anyone who hasn't heard yet, the Artemis Fowl film has been delayed until May 2020. While frustrating, all indications are this is a good move, as this is potentially a better release slot for it to break out as a commercial success. There are also indications that some re-shooting is happening, though how extensive they are is unclear; the reason for the delay is officially the Disney/Fox merger.

We've waited 18 years already to see this favorite book hit the big screen, so one more year isn't the end of the world. I do feel the need to point out however, that I have been waiting to see this film for more than half of my life. Please make it worth the wait, Disney.

With that out of the way, let's get this week's Fowl Day post!

Chapter 5: Harma-Geddon

Don't worry, Juliet; the wait won't be long. In just over a year the world get a load of Myles Fowl, and Beckett, too. I can't wait to see what happens then.

Chapter 6: Rise, My Beauties

Artemis is trying to plot on his way to save the twins, but there are certain scenarios he can't face, and pushes those to the back of his mind. And while he can't stomach the thought of his brothers harmed, he already knows revenge will be his if they are.
While Artemis hasn't been a stranger to 'revenge' or dishing out some just desserts in the past, this one certainly seems and feels much darker, in keeping with the overall grittier feel of this book so far. One direction or another, The Last Guardian will be the final step in Artemis' development.

This is also an interesting foil to Arty's blind spot when it comes to things he doesn't care about. We've seen it several times over the series, most notably in The Eternity Code when his Cube almost alerts Jon Spiro to the People because Artemis was careless about not disconnecting it form LEP probes. That one slip up almost cost the People everything, because Artemis was blinded by his own greed and selfish desires. Now, Artemis is faced with the possibility of losing his loved ones, something too horrible for him to even contemplate, resulting in a similar blind spot, this one born of emotional weakness, rather than pure selfishness.

Will this 'Poppy' nickname come back as something important later? It's possible this is just a piece of worldbuilding that hasn't made it into the series until now, but it seems rather significant suddenly dropped that for some unknown reason all the females in Holly's family have the nickname 'Poppy'. Curiosity = piqued.

Foaly's Universal Law of Maximum Doo-Doo Displacement is a must know for all beings attempting to function in society.

This medieval couplet about the locks is very revealing about Opal's biggest flaw. Unlike Arty's own blind spot flaw -which we've discussed before is a consequence of his own selfishness- Opal's is her own arrogance. Even as she opens the lock, she assumes Arty will be the one to 'rue', not her. We'll find out soon enough.

Colfer's fairies have souls, which long for their own heaven. This is simply interesting to me because in my -albeit rather limited- studies in folklore and mythology, it was believed fairies are soulless, and therefore unable to reach heaven (read as: doomed to hell). That's probably mostly propaganda from the Church when they actively sought to out belief in fairies back in the day.

The narration style changes just a little when we're following Oro's point of view, taking on the tone and lilt of a traditional storyteller and it works.

Corpses plentiful on the Fowl Estate? My first thought is Family graveyard or the former Fowl empire's dumping ground?

The idea that ghosts of these possessed corpses are lamenting and probably even berating the Berserkers mistreating their bodies is funny to me. Morbid, perhaps, but funny nonetheless.

Awww, I love that No1 is so fond of Qwan that he pretends he still needs a mentor just to keep him around.

I have noticed the last few books that Holly never seems to have magic when she needs it, which on the one hand is good because it means Colfer has intentionally not relied on magic to save his characters, but on the other hand, I miss Holly at her best. So having No1 explain that her extensive physical traumas are making her leak magic and patching her up is a good move and totally reasonable. Because Holly does get the crap beat out of her a lot.

Short stories needed:

• All three of Holly and Trouble's disastrous dates
• Artemis & Foaly team up
• Artemis babysitting the twins while the Butler's get a sibling date while protecting the Fowl boys
• Foaly's day with his kids*
• A day in the life of No1
• A day in the life of No1: Moon edition
• Angeline meets Holly

*Starting to question this again. Back in The Atlantis Complex Foaly mentioned something about his kids, but there's been no mention of such creatures existing since. Am I crazy!?

And once again, Artemis Fowl is nearly killed because he still hasn't kept all those promises to get in shape!

Chapter 7: Lickety-Spit

Speaking of brawn vs brain, I love Mulch berating Artemis for always needing to be saved, rather than being able to fend for himself and his loved ones. Foreshadow as much as character trait?

Also, Mulch is ridiculously strong, guys, to haul Butler by his ankles with 'some effort'.

17% percent chance of survival, calculates Arty; they've survived greater odds before, according to him, but I'm curious as to which adventure that was.

When did Mulch become the voice of emotion reason, telling Arty to think with his heart and not with his head? Reminds me of another beloved gruff character. At any rate, more foreshadowing?

To be fair to Artemis, Mulch and Holly, none of this is really Artemis' fault. Not unless you want to blame him for posing as they only true foil to Opal over the last decade that you hold him directly responsible for the height of evil and megalomania she's managed to attain. And that seems like a lot to lay on his shoulders.

Chapter 8: Motley Crew

Finally! Colfer explains the Abominable Snowman and Bigfoot!

If I knew more Motely Crue songs, I might find a fitting one for this chapter. Alas.

That's it for this week, Fowl Fans. See you next Thursday!

May's reading schedule for The Last Guardian:

May 2: Chapters 1-4

May 9: Chapters 5-8

May 16: Chapters 9-12

May 30: Chapters 13-19

The Last Guardian | Ch 1-4 | Artemis Fowl Read Along

Before we begin, I feel I must warn you: I have only read this book once.

At the time I had very conflicted feelings about it -about the last three books of the series, in fact. But as I've since warmed up to The Time Paradox and The Atlantis Complex I hope, too, I'll come to better appreciate The Last Guardian.

So going in -I remember very little about this book (even less than I remember about The Time Paradox and, guys, I forgot about THE KISS) so some of my revelations will probably be old news to some.

We left Artemis in the clutches of Atlantis Complex and his own crippling guilt while Angeline rushes to his bedside and Holly and his other friends are already there.

Let's see what The Last Guardian has in store for us, shall we?

Prologue

Color me intrigued by Oro. I'm interested in this villain just after a page and a half.

I find it interesting how Eoin has delved into a 'black magic' side of the fairies. It gives a better sense of balance, I think, despite the Ritual. After all, no matter the rule, someone will find an advantageous way to break it.

Chapter 1: A Complex Situation

Artemis only truly relaxes after he's gotten the better of Dr. Argon, which definitely says something about my favorite juvenile genius' personality. But this session also provides an interesting parallel to Artemis' other therapy sessions with Dr. Po, back in The Arctic Incident. In that session so long ago, Artemis was dealing with any real psychological issues and Artemis toyed with Dr. Po rather mercilessly, even when the doctor correctly guessed that Artemis lacked decent respect for his fellows because they weren't as smart as he. While Artemis is far from the model patient this time around, he is certainly more respectful of Dr. Argon and, after the gnome relates his theory of relatedness regarding the residual magic on the Fowl Estate, Artemis even gifts the doctor with a cure for his aching hip. It's not all kindness, of course; Artemis has been working on the brace design for several sessions and only after listening to this theory does he decide to share it. So, still some of the same old Fowl under there. But still. Can't deny there's been improvement.

I love this revelation that the Fowls have been after fairy gold for centuries. I mean, obviously we figured Arty's trip back in time is what really triggered the gold hunt. But look back again. What first inspired Arty was a story book. One his father used to read to him. And then tell him how the character should have done it.

Yeah, I'm totally believing something magical is messing with the minds on the Fowl Estate.

I also suspect that this idea is going to come into serious play in the Artemis Fowl film. But we'll find out in just over 3 months!

I do like Arty's growing sympathy towards others, but it's best seen in the moment where he's taught Nopal to tap the glass, to prove she is sentient and intelligent.

"May the fours be with you."
Of course Foaly wouldn't let it go.
Also, I love Foaly, you guys.

Awww, Trouble is morphing into Julius? <3 <3 <3

Opal is one cold-hearted pixie, willing to kill her own your self. Dang.
...and here I thought Eoin had played with all the time warp stuff already.

Chapter 2: Killing the Past

Opal, knowing full well that she might actually erase herself from existence, has nevertheless taken the risk to kill her younger self in an effort to escape, which involves not only the real possibility of her own death but also being shoved into uranium pod in case she explodes.
That pixie is desperate.

Is it just me, or is The Last Guardian darker and more violent than its predecessors? It's not a bad thing -this is, after, not just a finale, but the final step in Artemis' development- but it certainly lends a differently feel to the story.
So far, I think it's working very well. Artemis -freshly cured of Atlantis Complex- is certainly very sensitive to the callous and cold-blooded kidnappers and, by extension, Opal herself. This is, I think, the farthest from Opal (personality-wise) that Artemis has ever been, since they have both veered in opposite directions and this darker story is serving to really highlight those differences before Artemis steps into the final act of his development. I'm keeping on eye on this as we move on.

Chapter 3: Fire & Brimstone

Opal has the blasted good fortune that her grandiose god complex realities somehow actually work. Most psychopaths who think they're destined to become the first Quantum Being by blowing themselves up and putting themselves back together don't usually succeed.

Chapter 4: Engineer Ozkopy Has the Last Word

And that he certainly does. May it haunt Opal for the duration of her inevitably short existence.


Tune in for the rest of the month for the hottest Artemis Fowl read along on the Internet!

May's reading schedule for The Last Guardian:

May 2: Chapters 1-4

May 9: Chapters 5-9

May 16: Chapters 10-13

May 30: Chapters 14-19