I am No1 | The Lost Colony ch 1-8 | Artemis Fowl Read Along

It seems last week's read along post got caught up by one of the Hybras' time hopping demons and is now bouncing in and out of the centuries with no end in sight, so I'll just re-post that today, shall I?

Chapter 1: Blast to the Past

Butler scowl. Once, just once, he would like to get all the facts before they boarded the jet. But that wasn't the way Artemis worked. To the young Irish genius, the reveal was the most important part of his schemes.
I talked last month that Artemis' habit of not revealing to his cohorts his plans in their entirety could demonstrate that he doesn't fully trust them. I'm not giving up on this idea; I still believe they're related. But in this particular instance, Butler definitely has a point. the reveal is Arty's favorite part -it's a show off thing. It's the 'look-at-how-clever-I-am' moment that Arty most certainly loves (there are at least three DIRECT moments of this in chapter one alone (Artemis was in a mood to demonstrate his genius. This was a mood in which he frequently found himself. + ...regarding Artemis as though he were some kind of wondrous creature. Which, of course, he was. + "Hmm," noted Artemis Fowl. "I am unique.")
I think, too, it's that same thrill, like a perfectly executed scheme, that he loves so much, that made it so hard for him to give up his criminal ways. I think Artemis may have traded one vice for another; he ceased his satisfying criminal schemes and now he wields the reveal with the skills of the best showmen.

Artemis + puberty + Butler teasing him about it = priceless
Seriously, guys, I love The Lost Colony, and one of the greatest things this book has going for it is EVERYONE TEASING ARTEMIS ABOUT GIRLS

"I've put up with too much hardship over the years for you to vanish on me now."
Let us take a moment to appreciate the stubborn determination and dedication that is Domovoi Butler. He has one job and nothing stops him from doing that job.
Trolls can't, even after they've almost killed him.
Impenetrable doors and a goblin triad can't.
DEATH can't.
Loss of memories and inexplicable old age can't.
So there is no way little things like 'space' and 'time' are going to stop him either, is there?
Nothing can stop Domovoi Butler from protecting Artemis Fowl. NOTHING.

...also, ominous foreshadowing!...

"You should give your sister a call. She saved our lives."
YAY, JULIET!!!
I love that Juliet gets this little moment of life-saving victory here, because I miss the younger Butler.

"Are you wearing any silver?"
D'arvit, Arty! All the showboating and dramatic reveals in the world are completely meaningless if you plan poorly -like, say, don't think to anchor yourself with silver on the off-chance that your nicely packaged plan derails into a worst case scenario because it's not like that ever happens!
I'm surprisingly very upset with Artemis for this screw up, because it's such an obvious, stupid mistake. As a reader, I suspect this was mostly just a plot device to introduce the whole 'silver-anchors-you-to-this-time-and-oh-yeah-demons-are-trapped-hurtling-through-time' idea -but as a reader I also prefer to see this as mistake on Arty's part, therefore opportunity for potential development and depth.

Chapter 2: Doodah Day

This voice was not the first sign of madness.
Ho-ho-ho, are you so sure, Holly Short? Considering that voice in your head uses the words 'your partner' and 'Mulch Diggums' in the same sentence, this is completely arguable.

Doodah tries to attempt a 'pixie hex gesture' at Holly as she chases him down and now I'm curious? What exactly IS a pixie hex gesture? Is this maybe a species-specific talent pixie's have, like dwarves do? Maybe species-specific magic?
Or am I totally overthinking this and it's just a species-specific flipping of the bird?

In this chapter, we're re-introduced to Wing Commander Vinyaya, in much bigger capacity! This should be of special interest to Fowl Fans excited for the upcoming film, because keep in mind that Judi Dench's Root character will be a mix of our beloved Julius and Vinyaya.

"Welcome to Section Eight headquarters."
I have always found the name of this division humorous because 'section eight' is American slang for 'crazy' -especially if you grew up watching M*A*S*H, like this girl did.

"Where do [lightning bolts] shoot out if he's unlucky?"
Foaly, when will you learn? If you leave an opportunity open for unpleasant imagery, Mulch is always going to take it.
Also, ouch.

Chapter 3: First IMPressions

...have I mentioned how much I love Eoin's punny chapter titles? Because I do. A ton. Any story I've ever written, if it has chapter titles, you better believe they're going to be punny or references or clever wordplay or have a double meaning but most likely all of the above. You have done this to me, Mr. Eoin Colfer; that's all because of you.

You know what I have always loved the most about The Lost Colony? No1. That's what. I love this little imp (and not just because he provides Eoin with a plethora of punny chapter title opportunities!). But this re-through, I'm realizing that the reason I love No1 so much is because...I basically am No1.
I relate to No1 on a ridiculous amount of levels. Like correcting the grammar of others (especially when to those who really don't appreciate it); brainy, not brawny; nervous; avoids confrontation; see right through the charlatans who have everyone else eating out of their hands, and prefers their meat dead and cooked. I mean, guys, we're practically identical!
I am No1 and No1 is me.
...expect, you know, for the warlock thing. And migraines. And the eventual shooting of lightning bolts out of fingers and...other places.

Chapter 4: Mission IMPossible

Here we find out that the only reason Artemis sends out decoys is to make Foaly dip into his funds to follow them all. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Artemis Fowl's idea of a joke! I'm not sure Foaly will it so humorous, but it certainly made me laugh. Like, snort laugh.
Because, guys, these two. They crack me up. I LOVE THEM. Foaly is spying on Artemis and Artemis reversed those spikes to spy right back on him with, as he described to Holly, "Some harmless hacking. The centaur started it." Their friendship/rivalry/appreciation is SO UNDERRATED. I want -in my heart of fangirl hearts- to see a short story (or novella) where just Artemis and Foaly have to solve some save-the-world problem. No brawn, no fighters -just brains, ego, one-upping, and smart assery.

Even when Artemis is genuinely doing something for the right reason -like investigating demons to try saving them from extinction- there's no escaping some smug satisfaction, like finding something Foaly missed. (muahaha) And Artemis is only doing all of this because he's BORED! Yeah, that totally sounds like him.

No1's dismal and gloomy thoughts on his trek to the volcano totally remind me of the depressed robot from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Just saying.

[No1] often conversed with the voices in his head.
Reason #6 I am No1 and No1 is me.

Of course, when it comes to the opera, Holly and are totally on the same page.

I love Holly giving Artemis a bad time about how 'best-case scenarios' NEVER happen when he's involved, because he has bad karma.
1. Holly is totally right.
2. Even Artemis knows it.

Reason #7: Correcting one's own grammar, out loud, mid-conversation -check!
Reason #8: Giggling over said correction -double-check!

Chapter 5: IMPrisoned

Faced with the difficulties of future order defiance and possible (read as: imminent) career implosion, I love that Holly remembers and relies in this moment on Julius' words of wisdom: "It's not about what's best for us, it's about what's best for the People."

Back to favorite things about The Lost Colony? Artemis flustered and flabbergasted about 'girlfriend' jokes and EVERYONE MAKING GIRLFRIEND JOKES.

I am totally on the same page as Minerva and Co. here. I would stare at my gold like there were a demon inside it too, if there were...you know...a demon inside it.
...remember what I was saying about me and No1?

Chapter 6: Dwarf Walks Into a Bar

Okay, all jokes aside? Right here, when Mulch is honest with himself about why he left his criminal ways, gets my heartstrings every time. He realized that returning to that life of crime without Julius to chase him down in there game of cat and mouse would be an insult to our beloved commander. My eyes were not dry.

Doodah Day is an interesting addition to our growing group but I gotta agree with Mulch. Another smart-ass? Just break a million mirrors already!

Chapter 7: Bobo's Run

Considering Mulch's own daredevil driving of the past, Doodah Day's piloting skills must 10 steps into the fiery pits of Hell to scare the dwarf that much.

The image of Foaly cackling over his computers Underground as he prepares to reign and modern 'War of the Worlds' on the Paradizo chateau gives me a lovely warm fuzzy feeling.

Chapter 8: Sudden IMPact

(that's four IMP pun chapter titles so far. In case you were wondering. Because OF COURSE I'M COUNTING.)

Reason #9: Marveling at wondrous words in human vocabulary -especially by randomly babbling them out and thinking 'oooh what a nice word!'
Reason #10: Pointing out useful synonyms when others need help with word variety. I'd hope I'd at least have the sense not to do so with a knife-wielding kidnapper. but then again, I tend to do this with my sister and -while I'm still conducting field research into this- I'm 99% sure her looks can actually kill.

Ahh, Minerva, I see right through you. Your aspirations of Nobel prizes and saving all human and demonkind are really just an effort to one-up Artemis Fowl. You're adorable.

I don't care if you ship them or not, you've gotta admit that Artemis and Minerva are freaking adorable together. Two genius peas in a very small pod talking about their ultra sophisticated humor? Come on!

It doesn't hurt that Minerva and Artemis have so much in common, either; Minerva is just like he was when he kidnapped Holly oh so long ago.
I especially love that Artemis recognizes this and attempts to help Minerva to not make the same mistakes he did. But my favorite is that line as he hangs up the phone on her, about how ironic it is that he feels like the bad guy when he is so close to actually being the good guy.

That's it for this week, Fowl fans! Thanks so much for joining me again. Next week we're reading and discussing chapters 9-12, so I'll see you back here com Fowl Day!