Heroism is a Mixed Basket | TLC Ch 13-16 | Artemis Fowl Read Along

Chapter 14: Leader of the Pack

When Holly complains about Artemis' bad timing for developing a sense of humor, Artemis explains that usually he'd be planning, but that's in Qwan's hands now.

Ladies and gentlemen, Artemis has all but admitted that the only reason he's not a comedian (read as: donning clown shoes and turning cartwheels in the main hall) is because he won't devote the time to it, among his other enterprises.

There could be an alternate reality out there where Artemis Fowl is born with a funny bone, instead of a drive for gold and power, and becomes comedic mastermind, instead of a criminal one.

At the first sign of trouble, who does Artemis miss? At the first sign of manual labor, who does Artemis miss? The mountainous, insanely strong, and deadly bodyguard, of course.

Artemis has come a long way since he first plotted to kidnap a fairy. He's developed out of some of his nastier flaws and even become something of a good guy. He may have earned the trust of his People acquaintance-turned-friends, but what would be the ultimate test for this genius criminal mind no so long since he craved only gold and power?

Give that boy some magic! We'll see his true colors before long and whether, as Qwan advised, Artemis will use this new gift wisely.

I suppose it is inevitable that the creator supreme of Mulch Diggums would demonstrate the effects of time surges with bathroom jokes and bodily functions.



As the island is breaking away, Holly catches glimpses of alternate dimensions, including enormous, multi-tentacled monsters.

Guys.

GUYS.

Eoin's talking about CTHULHU and the GREAT OLD ONES.

There is nothing quite so harsh or painful in this series as the moment Holly Short lies dying, a sword wound in her chest, bleeding out, with no hope of magic saving her and, knowing that Artemis is the only one who might possibly be able to help her, she calls out for her friend -and he regards her for a dispassionate second before turning away. Leaving Holly to die, alone; broken, scared, and abandoned.

Deep down, we know -we know!- that Artemis has a reason for this, that he's really working on a way to save her, that he's not abandoning her or casting her aside. After nearly five books watching Artemis grow into not only a hero (by tiny degrees), but into a friend, we know Artemis isn't abandoning his first and best friend to die alone.

But, D'arvit, it hurts.

Chapter 15: Home Again, Home Again

This moment, this scheme when Artemis fires the Neutrino into the past to save the lives of Holly and the warlocks after the fact, from the future -this is one of my favorite Artemis moments. Period.

This is, perhaps, his first truly heroic act. Sure, he's done some life-saving and executed grand schemes, but those were usually at the behest of another heroic figure, like Holly or his father, or they were an effort to put right his own mistakes, like saving the People from the likes of Jon Spiro.

This time is different. This time, Artemis is in now way responsible for the terrible event. This time, he has no one with greater experience to rely on. This time, he's on his own. The cost was terribly high -losing Holly- comparative to losing Butler in The Eternity Code, but this time Artemis has to do it all on his own. With Butler, Artemis could only do so much; it was up to Holly to truly save our favorite bodyguard. But more than that, with this scheme's wide margin for error -what if Abbot went for Artemis before he went for the warlocks? What if Artemis missed his literal second of opportunity?- there was every possibility it would fail. 

And if it failed, Artemis would not only have lost Holly, but he would have condemned her to die alone, abandoned, and scared.

Those are some pretty high stakes for Arty boy. So when he magically preserves the memory of shooting Abbott and erasing the possibility of his friends' grisly deaths despite the time quandary in his brain wreaking potential havoc on his sanity, it screams with significance.

And I love it.

When Artemis feels the phantom weight of the gun he shot at Abbot and also did not shoot at Abbott, he knows there will be consequences for meddling in time, but he'll bear them. That's a burden he'd gladly shoulder. Just like with Butler's deaths, Holly's was too horrible to accept. It is well worth the price of erasing.

But what, fellow readers, is that consequence going to be?

While No1 helps to power the spell and Qwan directs the casting, Holly focuses on the place, and what does Artemis get? Time. And how does our favorite boy genius properly land them back in his own time? By following his heart and relying on feelings. Not a cold, hard fact in sight. Time to embrace all that humanity and sentimentality you've been grudgingly developing, Artemis; you're going to need it.

Artemis realizes, while they're engulfed in the transportation spell and the magic is flowing through him, opening up parts of his brain that have never been used before, that once upon a time, humans had once possessed their own magic. They have forgotten how to use it.

This is a huge statement. After all, if humans have merely forgotten how to use their magic, it stands to reason they could possibly relearn it, yeah? I mean, Artemis is exceptional of course, but he took to magic pretty quick. Isn't there hope for other humans?

Hello, spin-off possibilities?

Chapter 16: Point of IMPact

One last IMP pun before we're done! Thanks, Eoin. ^_^

TWINS?!

This book honestly ends with more questions than resolutions concerning Artemis and his development.

What will Artemis tell his parents?

How will it affect and change their relationship?

TWINS?!

What consequence will Arty face for his meddling with time?

What will he do with his ill-gotten magic?

How will this especial heroic venture and its rather drastic physical and emotional costs affect our would-be hero?

So many possibilities!

The Lost Colony gave us a good look at Arty as a hero, trying to do good for the sake of doing good from the get go rather than executing some scheme of his own. Personally, I think this is a good look on him. But Artemis also got his first taste of exactly what costs heroes have to live with. We've already talked about this concerning Holly and Root in The Opal Deception, but let's look at everything Artemis gained on his first truly heroic jaunt:

• He saved his best friend from a grisly death
• He gets to keep that memory of his best friend's grisly death forever, and the sound of Abbott's sword sliding out of her body will haunt him for the rest of his life
• He also gets heretofore unknown consequences for using time to change events
• He rescued an entire species from extinction, saved hundreds of lives
• He lost three years of his own life and caused unimaginable pain and loss to his family

I think we can all agree, this is a pretty mixed basket. That's a lot of uplifting highs and damning traumatic lows that Arty's going to have to deal with.

Artemis also gained magic, though considering it was 'stolen', that wasn't much of a heroic gain. But how that magic affects him in the future is entirely dependent on how Artemis uses it and -well, remember when I talked about Artemis' true turning point doesn't occur until The Opal Deception when he realizes he should let him family and friends help him, rather than relying solely on himself?

Artemis showed remarkable improvement in this area, and it shows in the quality and success of his schemes (with a few exceptions). Outside his initial time jaunt (which arguably wouldn't have gone as wrong if he'd worn some silver himself and kept Butler apprised of the situation), Artemis' plans do not go awry until Taipei 101, and the fault for that lies on Minerva, who insists on doing something incredibly stupid and puts them all in danger.

But the most notable exception is right here, when Artemis convinces Holly he doesn't have any magic left. Perhaps he feared the People wouldn't let him leave with it -a legitimate concern- but considering he stole it in the first place, I feel this is a step back into his old ways for Artemis Fowl. Scheming. Plotting. Doing things he knows his friends wouldn't approve of and keeping them in the dark about it. At best, this is left ambiguous until we can see the consequences ourselves in The Time Paradox, next month.

Will you join me?

But before you go! Tell me, what did you glean from The Lost Colony? Any deep, philosophical ponderings within the pages or the characters? Any jokes you finally understand? Any specials turns of phrase that made you giddy?

Please share in the comments! I want to hear everything. ^_^

March's reading schedule for The Time Paradox:

March 7: Chapters 1-4

March 14: Chapters 5-8

March 21: Chapters 9-12

March 28: Chapters 13-16

More Reasons I Really Am No1 | TLC Ch 9-12 | Artemis Fowl Read Along

Welcome back to the Artemis Fowl Read Along! Thanks for joining me for a little commentary on chapters 9-12 of The Lost Colony.

Chapter 9: Turned Tables

We return to Holly, who has allowed herself to be taken captive by Minerva Paradizo in an attempt to rescue the demon No1. After all, Artemis knows from experience that kidnapping a fairy is tantamount to inviting a fairy into your home -and how much trouble and mischief they can wreak once they're inside. Holly is just preparing to wreak said havoc, she's running through a mental checklist of the materials at her disposal and we learn that she has left all the more impressive bells and whistles of her fairy tech behind because there was no sense risking them falling into human hands. Other than Artemis', of course.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Holly wants to protect fairy tech from humans who would abuse it. So she entrusts it to Artemis.
It shows just how far they've both developed -on their own and as friends- and I love that.

Reason #11 that I am No1 and No1 is me: How we nod furiously and with far too much enthusiasm until someone tells/makes us stop.

Reason #12: Using vocabulary as stress relief. When annoyed or frustrated I do tend to dust off some pretty splendid synonyms.

Given the dexterity and alacrity with which Foaly wields a laser, I don't think anyone Above or Below would trust that centaur with any 'happy guy' he might try inventing.
Sool giving you trouble? Shoot him with the happy gun!
Your brother getting too grumpy and picking on you? Shoot him with the happy gun!
Someone threatening to slash next year's budget? Shoot them with the happy gun!
Someone insulting your girlfriend? SHOOT THEM WITH THE LASER AND BURY THEM IN THE MAGNA SHOOTS-- achem, I mean shoot them with the happy gun.

Reason #13: Possessing that 'real gift' for sarcasm.

Chapter 10: Kong the King

Artemis has a lot of cool lines and potential catchphrases. This devious mastermind can certainly make the best of words; everyone has a favorite line of his. One of mine is whenever he's the mysterious and unexpected voice on the other end of the phone call explaining the he has a friend; he has all the numbers.
Because that we creep me the heck out if it happened to me.

I know how you feel, Holly; whenever someone asks 'Do you trust me?' things are guaranteed to get much, much worse before they (if they) ever get better. I can only imagine hearing Artemis ask that loaded question.

Chapter 11: A Long Way Down

Reason #14: Orange is definitely not for us. (Neither are muumuus.)

Because, Artemis, of course you need an elevator with the speed of fifty-five feet per second for Fowl Manor. That makes perfect sense. I mean, it's impressive you can pass 89 floors in 30 seconds but -does Fowl Manor have 89 floors?
But then it occurs to me as I type out this teasing -is this Artemis being nervous? I mean, they are embarking on one of their most dangerous missions, with some of the worst consequences yet, with little to now planning.
Isn't it possible Artemis is distracting himself from everything that could and probably will go wrong with this plan by studying this modern marvel of engineering?

I rather love No1 asking Artemis for tips on just how exactly he should play his role in all this. The role that consists -almost entirely- of opening his hand.
I love this little imp.

I wonder if it was hard Artemis to keep a straight face when he convinced No1 that, yes, of course orange floral muumuus and bonnets are perfectly normal articles of clothing for human children. I'd love to see an illustrated version of his face at that moment.

Reason #15: I, too, would feel the need to clarify that the orange floral muumuu and bonnet were not, in fact, mine.

That's it, Holly; there's always time to snap a photo of your flabbergasted bad guy right at the moment the full realization of Master Artemis Fowl's scheme dawns on them. Life's short, after all. You've got to make sure you enjoy the little things.

Chapter 12: Heart of Stone

Ah, Artemis; you and your 'characteristic lack of modesty'.

Holly and Minerva do not get along well. While they have very little time actually being on the same side, I've never actually noticed that the two girls really don't get along. Like, at all. Minerva is pre-development Artemis and Holly is so done with that phase. I guess there's only enough of a soft spot for one young, quick, arrogant, and morally ambiguous genius in the elf's heart.
It makes me curious as to how -or if- an understanding or relationship would have ever developed between the two. They certainly didn't have the best of first meetings -read as: kidnapping- but that was hardly different than her and Artemis' first meeting. But their second meeting also wasn't great; Holly tries to point out to Minerva just how royally she almost messed things up and Minerva ...says harboring guilt over her mistakes isn't good for her mental health.
On the one hand, yeah, this could be a very believable type answer coming from Artemis as well. But on the other hand, I think the key here is that -despite kidnapping Holly and watching his entire scheme almost implode around him- Artemis redeemed himself however small an amount in Holly's eyes by buying that miracle off her, in the end of book one. One action -and comparably small against everything else he did on that little adventure- but it was enough to show that he had a heart of flesh, under the layers of ice.
This, I think, is what Minerva lacks, right now anyway. And it rather feels like Holly is already writing her off as a lost cause. And, as much as I like Minerva's interaction with Artemis, I gotta admit I'm totally with Holly on this one.

That's it for this week's read along! Thanks for joining me. I'll see you next Thursday for the end of The Lost Colony.

February's reading schedule for The Lost Colony:
Feb 1-7: Chapters 1-4
Feb 9-14: Chapters 5-8
Feb 15-21: Chapters 9-12
Feb 22-28: Chapters 13-16

I am No1 | The Lost Colony ch 1-8 | Artemis Fowl Read Along

It seems last week's read along post got caught up by one of the Hybras' time hopping demons and is now bouncing in and out of the centuries with no end in sight, so I'll just re-post that today, shall I?

Chapter 1: Blast to the Past

Butler scowl. Once, just once, he would like to get all the facts before they boarded the jet. But that wasn't the way Artemis worked. To the young Irish genius, the reveal was the most important part of his schemes.
I talked last month that Artemis' habit of not revealing to his cohorts his plans in their entirety could demonstrate that he doesn't fully trust them. I'm not giving up on this idea; I still believe they're related. But in this particular instance, Butler definitely has a point. the reveal is Arty's favorite part -it's a show off thing. It's the 'look-at-how-clever-I-am' moment that Arty most certainly loves (there are at least three DIRECT moments of this in chapter one alone (Artemis was in a mood to demonstrate his genius. This was a mood in which he frequently found himself. + ...regarding Artemis as though he were some kind of wondrous creature. Which, of course, he was. + "Hmm," noted Artemis Fowl. "I am unique.")
I think, too, it's that same thrill, like a perfectly executed scheme, that he loves so much, that made it so hard for him to give up his criminal ways. I think Artemis may have traded one vice for another; he ceased his satisfying criminal schemes and now he wields the reveal with the skills of the best showmen.

Artemis + puberty + Butler teasing him about it = priceless
Seriously, guys, I love The Lost Colony, and one of the greatest things this book has going for it is EVERYONE TEASING ARTEMIS ABOUT GIRLS

"I've put up with too much hardship over the years for you to vanish on me now."
Let us take a moment to appreciate the stubborn determination and dedication that is Domovoi Butler. He has one job and nothing stops him from doing that job.
Trolls can't, even after they've almost killed him.
Impenetrable doors and a goblin triad can't.
DEATH can't.
Loss of memories and inexplicable old age can't.
So there is no way little things like 'space' and 'time' are going to stop him either, is there?
Nothing can stop Domovoi Butler from protecting Artemis Fowl. NOTHING.

...also, ominous foreshadowing!...

"You should give your sister a call. She saved our lives."
YAY, JULIET!!!
I love that Juliet gets this little moment of life-saving victory here, because I miss the younger Butler.

"Are you wearing any silver?"
D'arvit, Arty! All the showboating and dramatic reveals in the world are completely meaningless if you plan poorly -like, say, don't think to anchor yourself with silver on the off-chance that your nicely packaged plan derails into a worst case scenario because it's not like that ever happens!
I'm surprisingly very upset with Artemis for this screw up, because it's such an obvious, stupid mistake. As a reader, I suspect this was mostly just a plot device to introduce the whole 'silver-anchors-you-to-this-time-and-oh-yeah-demons-are-trapped-hurtling-through-time' idea -but as a reader I also prefer to see this as mistake on Arty's part, therefore opportunity for potential development and depth.

Chapter 2: Doodah Day

This voice was not the first sign of madness.
Ho-ho-ho, are you so sure, Holly Short? Considering that voice in your head uses the words 'your partner' and 'Mulch Diggums' in the same sentence, this is completely arguable.

Doodah tries to attempt a 'pixie hex gesture' at Holly as she chases him down and now I'm curious? What exactly IS a pixie hex gesture? Is this maybe a species-specific talent pixie's have, like dwarves do? Maybe species-specific magic?
Or am I totally overthinking this and it's just a species-specific flipping of the bird?

In this chapter, we're re-introduced to Wing Commander Vinyaya, in much bigger capacity! This should be of special interest to Fowl Fans excited for the upcoming film, because keep in mind that Judi Dench's Root character will be a mix of our beloved Julius and Vinyaya.

"Welcome to Section Eight headquarters."
I have always found the name of this division humorous because 'section eight' is American slang for 'crazy' -especially if you grew up watching M*A*S*H, like this girl did.

"Where do [lightning bolts] shoot out if he's unlucky?"
Foaly, when will you learn? If you leave an opportunity open for unpleasant imagery, Mulch is always going to take it.
Also, ouch.

Chapter 3: First IMPressions

...have I mentioned how much I love Eoin's punny chapter titles? Because I do. A ton. Any story I've ever written, if it has chapter titles, you better believe they're going to be punny or references or clever wordplay or have a double meaning but most likely all of the above. You have done this to me, Mr. Eoin Colfer; that's all because of you.

You know what I have always loved the most about The Lost Colony? No1. That's what. I love this little imp (and not just because he provides Eoin with a plethora of punny chapter title opportunities!). But this re-through, I'm realizing that the reason I love No1 so much is because...I basically am No1.
I relate to No1 on a ridiculous amount of levels. Like correcting the grammar of others (especially when to those who really don't appreciate it); brainy, not brawny; nervous; avoids confrontation; see right through the charlatans who have everyone else eating out of their hands, and prefers their meat dead and cooked. I mean, guys, we're practically identical!
I am No1 and No1 is me.
...expect, you know, for the warlock thing. And migraines. And the eventual shooting of lightning bolts out of fingers and...other places.

Chapter 4: Mission IMPossible

Here we find out that the only reason Artemis sends out decoys is to make Foaly dip into his funds to follow them all. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Artemis Fowl's idea of a joke! I'm not sure Foaly will it so humorous, but it certainly made me laugh. Like, snort laugh.
Because, guys, these two. They crack me up. I LOVE THEM. Foaly is spying on Artemis and Artemis reversed those spikes to spy right back on him with, as he described to Holly, "Some harmless hacking. The centaur started it." Their friendship/rivalry/appreciation is SO UNDERRATED. I want -in my heart of fangirl hearts- to see a short story (or novella) where just Artemis and Foaly have to solve some save-the-world problem. No brawn, no fighters -just brains, ego, one-upping, and smart assery.

Even when Artemis is genuinely doing something for the right reason -like investigating demons to try saving them from extinction- there's no escaping some smug satisfaction, like finding something Foaly missed. (muahaha) And Artemis is only doing all of this because he's BORED! Yeah, that totally sounds like him.

No1's dismal and gloomy thoughts on his trek to the volcano totally remind me of the depressed robot from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Just saying.

[No1] often conversed with the voices in his head.
Reason #6 I am No1 and No1 is me.

Of course, when it comes to the opera, Holly and are totally on the same page.

I love Holly giving Artemis a bad time about how 'best-case scenarios' NEVER happen when he's involved, because he has bad karma.
1. Holly is totally right.
2. Even Artemis knows it.

Reason #7: Correcting one's own grammar, out loud, mid-conversation -check!
Reason #8: Giggling over said correction -double-check!

Chapter 5: IMPrisoned

Faced with the difficulties of future order defiance and possible (read as: imminent) career implosion, I love that Holly remembers and relies in this moment on Julius' words of wisdom: "It's not about what's best for us, it's about what's best for the People."

Back to favorite things about The Lost Colony? Artemis flustered and flabbergasted about 'girlfriend' jokes and EVERYONE MAKING GIRLFRIEND JOKES.

I am totally on the same page as Minerva and Co. here. I would stare at my gold like there were a demon inside it too, if there were...you know...a demon inside it.
...remember what I was saying about me and No1?

Chapter 6: Dwarf Walks Into a Bar

Okay, all jokes aside? Right here, when Mulch is honest with himself about why he left his criminal ways, gets my heartstrings every time. He realized that returning to that life of crime without Julius to chase him down in there game of cat and mouse would be an insult to our beloved commander. My eyes were not dry.

Doodah Day is an interesting addition to our growing group but I gotta agree with Mulch. Another smart-ass? Just break a million mirrors already!

Chapter 7: Bobo's Run

Considering Mulch's own daredevil driving of the past, Doodah Day's piloting skills must 10 steps into the fiery pits of Hell to scare the dwarf that much.

The image of Foaly cackling over his computers Underground as he prepares to reign and modern 'War of the Worlds' on the Paradizo chateau gives me a lovely warm fuzzy feeling.

Chapter 8: Sudden IMPact

(that's four IMP pun chapter titles so far. In case you were wondering. Because OF COURSE I'M COUNTING.)

Reason #9: Marveling at wondrous words in human vocabulary -especially by randomly babbling them out and thinking 'oooh what a nice word!'
Reason #10: Pointing out useful synonyms when others need help with word variety. I'd hope I'd at least have the sense not to do so with a knife-wielding kidnapper. but then again, I tend to do this with my sister and -while I'm still conducting field research into this- I'm 99% sure her looks can actually kill.

Ahh, Minerva, I see right through you. Your aspirations of Nobel prizes and saving all human and demonkind are really just an effort to one-up Artemis Fowl. You're adorable.

I don't care if you ship them or not, you've gotta admit that Artemis and Minerva are freaking adorable together. Two genius peas in a very small pod talking about their ultra sophisticated humor? Come on!

It doesn't hurt that Minerva and Artemis have so much in common, either; Minerva is just like he was when he kidnapped Holly oh so long ago.
I especially love that Artemis recognizes this and attempts to help Minerva to not make the same mistakes he did. But my favorite is that line as he hangs up the phone on her, about how ironic it is that he feels like the bad guy when he is so close to actually being the good guy.

That's it for this week, Fowl fans! Thanks so much for joining me again. Next week we're reading and discussing chapters 9-12, so I'll see you back here com Fowl Day!